Julia Will F-ck You Up

June 30, 2015 16:48:54 Posted at June 30, 2015 16:48:54
Lainey Posted by Lainey

This should have been the title of the movie. The first trailer for Secret In Their Eyes has been released starring Julia Roberts, Chiwetel Ejiofor, and Nicole Kidman. It’s based on an Argentinian film (that went on to win the Oscar for Best Foreign Film.) That’s important to note because, well, it won the Oscar. So… why would it need to be remade?

Hollywood’s first response to that would be the cast. That’s undeniably a prime time cast. And this is the story they’re telling, at least this is the story I think they’re telling in the trailer:

Julia and Chiwetel are cop partners. Julia’s daughter is murdered. Nicole Kidman is the prosecutor but the killer gets away. Chiwetel spends years looking for him. When they finally find him, Chiwetel and Nicole have to get to him first, because…

Julia Will F-ck You Up.

Not once does she goose honk laugh. OK, well, she giggles when Chiwetel calls her a dick. Is that why he took the part? Because he gets to call Julia Roberts a dick? NO ONE gets to call Julia a dick. Note the tone too in her voice when she’s teasing him about having a crush on Nicole’s character. I know that voice. That’s her My Best Friend’s Wedding voice. And that’s about the only rom-com we get from Julia here. Because before long, she’s wailing in a dumpster the way only Julia Roberts can wail in a dumpster. And when you make Julia wail in a dumpster…

Julia Will F-ck You Up.

Nicole Kidman looks terrified. Wouldn’t you be?

Secret In Their Eyes opens October 23. Possible festival run? Possible award season run?

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