Justin Timberlake: The Diaz Effect
January 29, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at January 29, 2006 12:00:00
Today is a day for cleansing and so while I am ashamed to tell you the following, I feel compelled to do so. It is important to begin the new year with a clear smutty conscience. Once upon a time, my loins might have desired Justin Timberlake. Not for long, but for a few weeks there, it turned me on that he possessed Britney"s flower. It would have been cool to be with the dude that plucked her poon. I was attracted to the swagger effect of his conquest. Who wouldn"t be…right? But the longer I waited for his voice to drop, the more I realised that boy would always be a boy, and whatever flames there were flickering in my private zone were quickly extinguished, especially when he drifted towards the she-man mutt I like to call Hermy Diaz, a woman so foul - inside and out - that her repellent qualities have the impressive yet tragic ability to transfer themselves on to those who have the misfortune of spending too much with her. And as a consequence of his poorly directed affection, JT is now ugly. Because, you see, ugly is contagious. And Justin has it bad. Check him out at Sundance last Friday. In addition to getting infected with the Diaz, he"s also bordering on ridiculous…as if that beard is going to somehow turn his pipsqueak into a baritone. Pul-ease. Five years ago, that high pitched squeal could have been called cute. Now it"s just unsexy. Period. Which brings me to my final question: Is Cam to JT like KFed is to Britney? And is this the root of all evil???