June 23, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at June 23, 2006 12:00:00
After 3 years of captivity, Justin Timberlake has been released at last! As first reported by Janet Charlton JT has ditched his dog, just in time for to start pimping his new single and his subsequent new album due out in September and of course what looks to be a follow up tour to reassert his place on top of the pops. Sound familiar? Although nothing has been confirmed officially, the break up is being regarded as a foregone conclusion by everyone, with the exception of Life & Style Weekly which speculates in their current issue that the two are engaged. No comment. Anyway, when the news broke this morning, every gossip went scrambling for their sources – me included. According to Janet, Justin called the split, getting itchy down there after an eternity of togetherness and finally cutting the cord because the Herm was becoming “too clingy” for his tastes. Perezfollowed up by reporting that there is another girl involved. Some chick named Lauren don’t ask me to remember her last name who is blonde and cute in that harmless blonde and cute way with a face that’s pleasant if not memorable and I’m bored already. A thousand phone calls later and here’s the story I’m getting from my own sources. Piece it all together and the bottom line is – Justin wants to be a dog again. And thank Goddess for it. But the version I’m hearing is a bit different. He’s been busy with his career, he’ll be ramping up on promo, likely performing at the VMAs at the end of the summer, and realistically, after so many years together, with Cam not getting any younger, there were really only 2 options: go to the next level with babies and marriage or go their separate ways. Besides, after an extremely unsuccessful film effort, he’s realized that he needs to go back to his bread and butter. And although Diaz certainly has the hook up on the movie side, she obviously doesn’t have much influence or value, frankly, on the music side. Translation: Mannie Cammie was expendable. Although Cam was supposedly pretty gutted by the final decision, I’m told it was amicable. At least it started out that way. Unfortunately, the body was barely cold before he started exercising his hitherto monogamous peepee including but not limited to the aforementioned Lauren somethingorother. Interestingly enough, now that I’m in Whistler, I’ve had no less than 4 lovely blondes approach me with claims that they’ve had the Timberlake experience themselves, way back when pipsqueak was still with Britney. In case you’re interested, 3 of them work in the restaurant business and the other is a snowboarding instructor who used to be a waitress back then. All of them concur that our boy is a d, o, double g - in the truest sense of the word. Needless to say, when news of his freedom f*cking got back to Cameron, she practically grew her balls back. Livid, they say. Especially since she really did see him through some of his worst times. You remember that little slump? That little voice issue and surgery? Long time readers of my column will recall my reports of rumoured liquid fueled depression, during which time Cam was nothing short of supportive. Therefore, in her eyes, his on the prowl and loving it attitude is a complete betrayal of what they shared, not to mention a stinging reminder of their age difference and her suddenly single 30 something status. Hmmm… Poor Cam. If she wasn’t such a bitch, I’d almost feel sorry for her. Oddly enough though, I did speak to one lone smuthound who thinks there may be a chance for reconciliation, especially since Justin has become painfully insecure. The pressure of a new record, the failure of his film endeavours, few people have been as confident in his abilities as his hermaphrodite. And sometimes, in a moment of weakness, we all go running to the things that give us comfort, non? That’s for the cautious lot. Me? F&ck it. I’m celebrating. Because, gossips, the possibilities are endless. Lohan, Hilton, Simpson – it’s a p*ssy playground waiting for new player and this summer is going to be full smut heaven. Can you you stand it?