The incomparable Thomas Hardy on Jack Durbeyfield from Tess of the D"Urbervilles:
"Durbeyfield was what was once called a slack-twisted fellow; he had good strength to work at times; but the times could not be relied on to coincide with the hours of requirement; and, having been unaccustomed to the regular toil of the day-labourer, he was not particularly persistent when they did so coincide".
SOUND FAMILIAR??? A good for nothing freeloader, as insidious in today"s pop culture consciousness as it was in Victorian society over a hundred years ago, the only difference being that Hardy"s character let loose in a pub while KFed"s playground is naturally Las Vegas, where he spent Friday night with the boys minus the babies, minus the Britney, transported there by private jet for the one year anniversary of Tao, "surrounded by women, drinking a lot and dancing on the banquette."
Thank Goddess the vintage Kfed is back. After an admirable challenge by a worthy successor, the KFed has stepped up his A-game, using his deep-fried breaded bride as a stepping stone for his rap career and producing a spare to the heir for his bank account in the process, in the likely event his music efforts fail miserably.
This is what you call Goldiggery at its finest.
But coming in a close second is KFed Jr, né Dean McDermott, swine ex husband of Mary Jo Eustace, courageous current husband of Tori Spelling who after a year of trying and suspect failure has finally managed to secure his lifetime allowance. In case you haven"t heard, Access Hollywood has confirmed that Tori is pregnant, which means KFed Jr and family will therefore be wealthy for life through someone else"s family which is really, when you think about it, the defining move for a Super Elite Level Golddigger…earning him the respect of master golddiggers everywhere because at least Britney Spears was hot and cute, you know, whereas what KFed Jr has accomplished is nothing short of astounding, especially in the level of sacrifice involved - a sacrifice so revolting, it"s almost noble, and most definitely worthy of his KFed namesake.
PS. If you haven"t read Tess, it truly is a classic among classics. The Best.