If there’s a lesson to be learned from Tori Spelling’s homewrecking, mother slandering, and father neglecting, or from Hilary Swank’s despicable public outing of a recovering addict, it is that our Hollywood Hate Targets must be reassessed and re-plotted along the Hollywood Hate Spectrum. By putting Tori and Hilary and KFed on one side of the scale, it allows us to accurately measure all other celebrity flaws and misdemeanours against the heinous crimes of Spelling and Swank, thereby providing a definitive frame of reference and allowing us to allot our hate more effectively.
In light of this new perspective, I have officially decided to remove Kiki D from the Hate List. Here are my supporting arguments:
- so she’s an annoying bitch. And maybe sometimes she parks in the handicap spot for a minute because she thinks she’s privileged. But she hasn’t been found to yell at her mother in public (Mischa Barton), nor has she mistreated young fans eager to meet her by refusing to look them in the eye and haughtily insisting that her assistant turn them away (Jessica Alba), and most importantly, she hasn’t started SINGING (Paris, Lindsay, EVERYONE). In other words, among the plethora of annoying bitches – does she really deserve to be singled out? Nuh uh.
- the “happy” issues? It’s Hollywood! Who doesn’t have “happy” issues??? At the very least, she doesn’t look like she’s DYING (Kate Bosworth). Yes, Kiki is thin. But she’s also not wasting away. And are you telling me someone who doesn’t have an out of control eating disorder deserves your scorn more than someone who does???
- The dirtiness. I concede, it’s been a problem in the past. But now we have Britney and Lilo and Keira Knightley walking around barefoot and Tara Reid’s ghetto tits and perma-stains polluting the celebrity landscape so in the grand scheme of skank – why make Kiki the scapegoat???
- Kiki has great style. She might not always be hygienic but she always makes interesting, unique fashion choices. And more often than not, she can pull it off. What’s not to love?
- Kiki takes smart movie roles (Elizabethtown notwithstanding, and for that I blame the knock-kneed Orly). Kiki is also not a film whore, she doesn’t sign on to any random script sent her way, she doesn’t shoot 10 movies a year. Unlike so many of her peers, Kiki is pretty selective. And as a result, her resume is rather impressive, especially when you consider that she was a child star who had to astutely navigate her way through her awkward teens to be taken seriously as an actor in Hollywood. It’s the same uphill struggle Lilo is facing right now and Kiki is a rare bird. She pulled it off with aplomb, she pulled it off convincingly, and isn’t it time she got some credit for that?
So here’s Kiki at a photo shoot the other day, looking clean (good) and un-vampiric (very good). Yes, gossips, it’s an about-face. I heart Kirsten Dunst. Please forgive me?