Only Britney loves the Beat-Me-Face

October 13, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at October 13, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
My dog Marcus has a Sleep Smell: it wafts around the house when he"s hunkered in deep slumber, especially after a long hike or a day at the beach, he burrows into the couch and gives off this ... smell. It"s not putrid, it"s not disgusting, it"s not like decaying flesh or anything... but it"s not flowers either. Kind of like old sheets and socks, but not locker room socks, stinky but not foul, I know you wouldn"t like it, but I can"t get enough. I grab his paws to take a long whiff, I dig my head into that little cave between his neck and his torso for maximum odour"s delicious, it"s probably weird f-ckin" sh-t to you, but it"s also a smell only a mother could love. Just like Kevin Federline. Look at this face. This is what you call a beat-me-face. A face not capable of not smirking. A face so full of smug - be honest - you would not be sorry to see a bird come along and start pecking away. And this is the face that Britney goes to bed with every night, or at least every night he"s not out partying with the boys, living off of her cash money. Having said that, this kind of face does come in handy once in a while. When CSI needs a punk thug and can"t bother to pay for a real actor, they called up the real thing. Did you watch last night? So convincing that convincing"s not even the right word. I"m sorry to tell you however that that"s not the last you"ll be seeing of him in a while. In addition to going on tour to support his lame ass joke of a hip hop career, word is KFed has even secured the support of his wife, in seclusion since the birth of the second, and said to be making a big splashy reappearance the same week his album drops. Masterful golddiggery, non? Here"s a good tip though - just heard the most hilarious rumour: Kfed can"t stand the SexyBack, that he has somehow deluded himself into thinking he can contend with JT, and that any time he hears the Pipsqueak he flies into a fury and demands it gets turned off. Hee. Even though it"s probably not true…do you love it, or do you LOVE it?
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