Manslinger, Shelfy, Pip, Triangle!

No, actually, everyone played nicely in the sandbox. But this is why Photo Assumption is our best friend.

Before we begin the body language analysis though, let’s judge them on the outside.

At the Cartier 100th Anniversary event last night in New York, Kate Hudson, Jessica Biel, and Justin Timberlake were all present, and intriguing because 1. Kate and JT used to bump it around the time he met Shelfy, 2. JT was at Kate’s 30th birthday without Shelfy and took advantage of the opportunity to grind up on Hudson’s hips, and 3. Jessica Biel is a clinger.

As you can see, out of the 3 of them, Justin looks best. Always, always beautifully dressed.

Between his girlfriend and his bootycall however, it’s a toss up. Can’t decide who’s better, or more accurately, who’s worse.

Hate Kate’s dress. Tacky. Also not crazy about her hair. And she’s orange. Like Lindsay Lohan orange. And her face seems bloated too. Very disappointing. Why? Because she tried. She tried and came up sh-ts.

The good news is Shelfy came up sh-ts too.

Am beginning to wonder – can Jessica Biel wear… anything?

Don’t think so…

Somehow she always manages to f-ck it up.

Like this colour. It washes her out. And she has a third lip like Granny Freeze Nicole Kidman too. See how swollen it is? Put it all together with her man shoulders and that distinctly strong jaw and the vibe is overwhelmingly herm. Nothing soft about this girl at all.

So what happened when the two went head to head? Very civilised by appearance but the photo never lies. What does Photo Assumption say?

Kate is bored. Because Shelfy is terribly boring. Kate also finally understands why Justin keeps calling. He needs entertainment. She considers trying out a new move on him next time but is then distracted by the cute waiter walking by. She will sling tonight, oh yes.

Jessica is trying to breathe. She’s sucking in her stomach so hard she’s about to pass out. She’s also worried that Justin, who is standing behind them, is comparing their asses, and finding Kate’s way cuter. She makes a mental note to call her publicist for a pep talk, and also to find out if the photos of them jogging earlier in the day achieved the desired effect. She’s happy when she finds out they did.

Photos from and and Jennifer Mitchell / and

TAG: Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel at Cartier 100 in New York
TAG: Kate Hudson/Justin Timberlake/Jessica Biel
CAT: girly throwdowns/assy style

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