Her own security detail

November 18, 2010 09:45:47 Posted at November 18, 2010 09:45:47
Lainey Posted by Lainey

I’ve spent half an hour going through old photos for this article. And I could have spent all day. Have decided that every time I post about the Engagement, I will also go through the archives and post the new old pictures. If you have to ask me why, this story is not for you. You should skip to the next.

So now that she’s been officially officially confirmed confirmed as the future Princess, and presumably the Queen, Kate Middleton rolls with personal security. She and her detail and members of Prince William’s staff (he’s back at his army base or whatever) were seen at Westminster Abbey last night. Royal watchers are now convinced that that’s where it’ll be. Apparently she and Will have to talk it over, but they say only the formalities remain. They say it will be the Abbey.

And when?

Initially the betting people (bookies are more reliable than you think) were predicting August 13, 2011. Then came word that the Family would probably want to do it before the Duke of Edinburgh’s 90th birthday in June. Today most people seem to think it’ll be March.


Won’t it be sopping wet in March?

How are we deciding on these dates? Dates are SO important in Chinese culture. A Royal Feng Shui date picker should be consulted because, dude, you cannot f-ck around with this sh-t. Especially not, you know, with what’s happened to them the last 20 years. Many Chinese people check the Chinese zodiac, and in very specific detail, before announcing When.

You take your birth year, day, time, and your betrothed’s birth year, day, time, and the current year, and sometimes you throw in your parental vitals too, and they’ll come up with something that will give you the best chance of making it. My mother was adamant about November 2, 2001 for us. And she was even more adamant about it being at 11am. November is normally very rainy in Vancouver. It rained the night before, it was cloudy that morning, they were calling for rain all weekend. And then, I swear to you, at 10:45am the clouds disappeared and the sun came out. The rain stayed away until, I swear to you again, 3am the following morning.

I’m just saying I wish William and Kate would call up a Chinese person. I’m just saying with all the superstition surrounding the ring and the church and the history, how would it hurt to pick a Lucky Day the Chinese way? This is the problem though when you’re dealing with such staunch traditionalists. Also, the royals are super tight in the ass. They’d never sniff around the stylings of another culture. They’d rather criticise people for chewing gum.

Did you watch that NBC special last night? Apparently there was a major hissy over the fact that Kate’s mother was chewing gum during William’s graduation ceremony at Sandhurst a few years ago (before the breakup). It wasn’t like she was snapping it like Miley Cyrus with huge chompers and her mouth wide open. But the gum was there, and she did indeed chew, and then they judged her for being low classy.

Oh here we go. I can almost hear you smashing away at your keyboard defending the upper crust for their policy on gum. I’d say given what goes on in those proper parlours with the proper china, a little gum is probably the least of their concerns.

But then again...

Getting bitchslapped for some gum is precisely the reason why I care so much. These people are full of their own sh-t. And now they have to merge with a commoner. Please. How can you not be obsessed?


Kate will spend Christmas with her family at their home. It will be her last Christmas there. Because after she marries William she will be required to spend Christmas lunch with the Queen for the rest of her life and her parents will never be invited. That’s the royal precedent. Fine. But can you send twitpics?

Photos from Wenn.com and Bauergriffinonline.com

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