Katie Holmes Gossip

Katie Holmes gossip, latest news, photos, and video.

Robobride: Beautiful, Thin, Old

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 8, 2008 06:24:29 January 8, 2008 06:24:29

On promo for Mad Money and allowed out on her own, Katie Holmes presented at Critics’ Choice last night. LOVE the dress. She’s a beautiful girl, non? But there are problems. The hair is a problem. Perhaps if it wasn’t so wispy, perhaps if it wasn’t so… Sally Field. Compare and contrast – totally Sally Field, see? Which means too old! Sally Field is fantastic. Full Story

More from the Morton GMD Exposé!!!

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 7, 2008 11:17:41 January 7, 2008 11:17:41

It’s a long summary but well worth the read and chills, chills, chills. Could Little Sci have been conceived by the Founder Sci L Ron Hubbard??? Is that why she’s called Suri? It"s true, anyone hoping for confirmation of Tom being gay will not be satisfied, as Andrew Morton devotes about 2 pages to the rumours, and only insomuch as how affected he and Nicole. Full Story

The GMD Bracing for Battle

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 7, 2008 00:00:00 January 7, 2008 00:00:00

Praise Xenu! We were all deflated last month when British reports suggested that Andrew Morton’s Tom Cruise exposé was not going to be published in the UK because it wasn’t scandalous enough…but now it turns out it’s actually not going to be published in the UK because it’s TOO SCANDALOUS and publishers fear that British libel laws will make it too costly for them to defend. Full Story

Need Another Friday Pick-me-up?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 4, 2008 00:00:00 January 4, 2008 00:00:00

Call me Cruise but I miss the GMD. We’re a full four days into 2008 and we’ve yet to be blessed with his crazy. Thank Xenu Mad Money starring Katie Holmes, Diane Keaton, and Queen Latifah is due out in a couple of weeks. Movie premieres mean red carpets. And red carpets mean occasions for Presentation! Can’t wait to usher in a brand new year of Presenting Katie! In the meantime, satisfy yourself with a classic. Full Story

Little Sci & Knut?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 2, 2008 07:36:00 January 2, 2008 07:36:00

What is the GMD up to now? Remember Little Knut? He’s not so little now but when he was little he made international headlines because his mother rejected him and he was raised by his trainer at the Berlin Zoo. At the time, some animal rights activists were advocating for him to be euthanised believing he would otherwise grow up unnaturally. Full Story

Xenu Labour

Lainey Posted by Lainey at January 2, 2008 06:51:56 January 2, 2008 06:51:56

Out of nowhere she’s suddenly besties with the GMD. Then she reveals her father has been a Scientologist for 20 years. And my sources report she’s an avid reader of church literature, highlighting key passages for review over and over again. Of course she and Marc had also been trying for a long time to get pregnant. Full Story

Presenting Katie Holmes: Best of 2007

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 31, 2007 00:00:00 December 31, 2007 00:00:00

2007 was the year we were introduced to the new Cruise patented move: the Presentation of Katie Holmes. Red carpet after red carpet, the GMD would arrive at some event with his robobride in tow, and like a proud father at the cotillion, Tom would “present” his wife with cameras flashing. It is at once awkward, and weird, and creepy, and f*cking hilarious. Full Story

The GMD Sweat & Grind: Best of 2007

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 21, 2007 11:41:52 December 21, 2007 11:41:52

To welcome the Beckhams to America, the GMD and his Robobride, along with Will and Jada Smith, threw a huge bash. And Tom and Katie decided to get down on the dance floor. Rare is it to see a homo not only dress badly but also groove badly. But in the GMD’s case, his poor gaygay has been suppressed and audited for so long, his funky ‘mo senses are warped, resulting in this abomination captured on camera. Full Story

Robobride Trumps Granny Freeze

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 20, 2007 06:30:18 December 20, 2007 06:30:18

New interview with Katie Holmes, Queen Latifah, and Diane Keaton in Parade Magazine and KatE delivers a clinic in MiniVan Majority Fellatio. There’s love, there’s baking, there’s chocolate, there’s children, there’s sisterhood, and of course there is LOVE. All in time for the holidays. Full Story

GMD vs Chicken Fried Stupid

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 19, 2007 14:51:02 December 19, 2007 14:51:02

December 18th was KatE’s birthday. So of course the GMD took her to Raffles L’Ermitage to celebrate where they could have some privacy. Because that’s where Britney Spears hangs out these days. OF COURSE there’d be no paparazzi. Of course not! Oh and look at KatE’s face – bedhead and sleepy eyes like it was a romantic evening with her totally straight husband lying in the tub with candles. Full Story

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GMD Pushed Back

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 18, 2007 07:45:25 December 18, 2007 07:45:25

Variety is reporting that Tom Cruise’s Valkyrie has been pushed back from a summer release due to production delays. Valkryie was originally set to take on the summer box office. Stupid move. It will now come out in October 2008 for awards season positioning next year. Full Story