Katy Perry’s middle school play
Jamie Squire/ Rob Carr/ Kevin Mazur/ Getty Images
“There was more than one lobster at the birth of Jesus?”
You remember that scene in Love Actually? Emma Thompson’s kids and the nativity play at their school? With blow up lobsters and other sea creatures? That’s how my friend Lorella described Katy Perry’s Super Bowl halftime show.
THERE WERE DANCING SHARK PLUSHIES.
Are we watching a middle school play?
Remember where we are. Remember that this is the Super Bowl. There are cameras rigged on wires suspended above the field that run on high-tech motion sensitive cables so as to give the most sophisticated, ultra-definition shots possible…
We are talking the most sophisticated broadcast production and technology.
And this one comes with blow-up toys, riding a fake lion that can’t move without dudes holding broomsticks moving the legs. Because, as I wrote on Friday – click here for a refresher - Katy Perry CANNOT dance. Her Dancing Deficiency is why so much distraction is needed…which… fine… I guess. But if you can’t dance, then why can’t you sing live? No, not everyone is Beyonce. So I can accept the lip-synch if it’s accompanied by complex choreography – any choreography! (Go back and watch Missy. She was MOVING.) But I think it’s fair to say that Katy Perry’s choreography is no more complicated than a beginner dance class – in other words, we could all keep up, I promise you. But that’s the other part of the truth: Katy Perry can’t sing live either.
This is why halftime looked like one of the show pavilions at Disney World. This is why the cameras had to keep cutting away to other, more visually arresting scenes, away from the featured artist who, frankly, wasn’t doing enough to stimulate you for that amount of time.
Think of Beyonce in that case. Or Madonna. Would those two have EVER let the cameras leave their presence? What’s the difference then between a Katy Perry halftime and, um, the others?
Is that a euphemism for Fontrum?
By the way, there’s no doubt now that Katy and John Mayer are back together, again.