The Tree-Reader says he’ll win an Oscar

October 17, 2012 20:25:21 Posted at October 17, 2012 20:25:21
Lainey Posted by Lainey
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How many As IF Sit DOWNs can you throw at one person at a time?

A few years ago, Lindsay Lohan declared that she intended to win an Oscar by the time she was 30. We laughed. In comparison to Kellan Lutz though, Lohan’s comment about WANTING to win an Oscar seems less offensive. Because he isn’t just saying he’d LIKE to win one, he’s PREDICTING that he WILL WIN ONE.

The headline caught my eye just now on JustJared. Lutz gave an interview to a magazine during which he makes the following statement:

“I want to act for the rest of my life. I’ll win an Oscar one day, but I’m in no rush to get there. I don’t care if that takes me 50 years, and I’m old. I just love what I do.”

It’s like, you know, Oscar’s just waiting around for him, isn’t it? Kellan Lutz is taking his time. If Kellan wanted one next year, it could happen. But he’s in no hurry, OK?

You know who’s never won a Best Actor Oscar?

Gary Oldman.

And, sadly, he may never.

But along comes the under-evolved Kellan Lutz with his future Oscar like he’s been holding back some talent that he’ll unleash in our faces when he’s good and ready and, world, when he’s ready, you better prepare yourselves because Marlon Brando will be brought down to Justin Timberlake’s level of acting when Kellan Lutz is done with us, you hear?

I mean, couldn’t you see it in Twilight? Every time he broke off a branch? Couldn’t you see evidence that he’s the greatest thespian of all time being contained by his veiny bicep? I guess it’s because he didn’t want to upstage his co-stars. Kellan Lutz is so generous that way.

So there’s your heads up -- the one who reads in trees with a paparazzi audience will one day win an Oscar.