The new triangle
Team Brange vs Team Aniston is 10 years old now. It’s time for a new Hollywood love triangle. One frog, two pigs, it’s time to take sides.
Are you Team Piggy or are you Team Denise?
Please! If you’re not ride-or-die for Miss Piggy, we can never be friends.
This is Denise. PEOPLE reports that she’s the head of marketing at ABC. Sources tell PEOPLE that she’s always finding excuses to show up when Kermit is on set. Supposedly he calls her his “girlfriend”.
Apparently she’s younger than Piggy – of course she is. Look at her chewing on her pen suggestively during a meeting with her bedroom eyes and her Lindsay Lohan weave. She’s the nanny and the hot secretary all at the same time…
Kermit, however, is denying that he and Denise are hooking up. Sort of:
Sheesh. I can't believe I already have to do this again... Here is the official statement on my relationship status: pic.twitter.com/gRCyl3xbfz— Kermit the Frog (@KermitTheFrog) September 1, 2015
Whatever, BatFrog, we’ve heard this before. Sandra Bullock played this game back when she and Matthew McConaughey were dealing with each other. She said they were friends. But she didn’t say they were “just” friends. So “simply close friends” in this case is Kermit’s clever way of telling the truth but not the whole truth.
While Kermit is busy deflecting, Piggy has no f-cks to give. She’s Piggy. It’s handled.
This was Liam’s first post on Instagram. So it’s a premiere, then. It’s the social media equivalent of a red carpet…which, obviously, is how Piggy rolls. She upgraded from a frog to a Hemsworth (my favourite Hemsworth) and he upgraded from Miley to a Muppet, the queen of all Muppets. Proper.
Also attached – Liam walking his dog yesterday.