Oscar Side-Lean + Awkward: Taylor Lautner/KStew

March 8, 2010 11:11:35 Posted at March 8, 2010 11:11:35
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Oscar, he stands straight up. He stands straight up all over the carpet. So when someone’s workin’ a side lean, well, it’s even more obvious than usual. I guess if you have to side lean then, you better bring it hard and extra to the Academy Awards. And Taylor Lautner definitely delivered on that.

Check out Tom Cruise Junior rocking his signature move at the Kodak last night. It’s now getting to the point where I’m wondering if one of his legs is shorter than the other. Isn’t there a correctional school for this? We need to enroll him. He seems like he’s really great at following orders anyway.

I mean this kid is a machine. Not even sure if he’s capable of free thought anymore. TC Jr flies on autopilot all the time. He says the right things, the right way, at the right time, and it’s super rehearsed and the opposite of spontaneous and he’s only, what, like 18? It’s only going to get worse.

Why?

Because we live in a world where 3 year old girls can’t have short hair. So these children who grow up to be famous, they are held hostage to a set of f-cked up standards about what girls and boy-men are supposed to be. Already I’ve received many, many emails today about Kristen Stewart clearing her throat. Apparently she wasn’t supposed to do it over her shoulder. Apparently, because she has a vagina, she was supposed to cover her mouth.

What.
The.
F-ck?

Is there some kind of guidebook you people have that you pass on to the generations with these steel gender rules about what girls and boys should and should not do lest they be called dykes and homos? Now Kristen Stewart is a lesbian because she turns her head to the side to clear her throat instead of daintily putting her hand in front of her face? F-ck. Off.

She had a bug in her throat. It’s a biological process. We get phlegm. And she cleared it and we moved on and she didn’t feel the need to announce to the universe how nervous she was, like that trollop Miley who decided it was about HER and not about the winner.

Yes, Kristen Stewart was awkward. Totally. She was fidgety and she consciously tried to will herself from agitation. I found it authentic and endearing. At the same time, I also think she might want to work on the public comfort a little... just because, you know, she’s only 19, and there’s a long road ahead, and she’s going to be famous for a long, long time, and at some point, you may as well learn to live with it. This act will get tired after a while. Just like Taylor Swifts – oh my gosh, I can’t believe it act got tired after she won everything and kept acting astonished. That said, it was Stewart’s first time. For her first time, in that kind of environment, with MERYL STREEP looking at her, and so young and serious, I’ll take that over the Cyrus Child and the robot that is her co-star.


Photos from Wenn.com and GABRIEL BOUYS/Kevin Winter/Alberto E. Rodriguez/Jason Merritt/Pascal Le Segretain/Gettyimages.com

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