Kristen Stewart to balance

March 2, 2010 08:23:49 Posted at March 2, 2010 08:23:49
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Twi-Hards are multi-tasking. They are hating on Emilie de Ravin but they are also rubbing themselves over Kristen Stewart’s appearance on the Remember Me red carpet. Because this means that she loves Robert Pattinson, and he couldn’t imagine getting through the experience without her. He needed her there, he needed to feel her presence, even though he couldn’t see her most of the time, she is with him always, in his heart, in his soul, and the knowledge of that pulls him through the most trying of situations, like a beacon of light, a lighthouse in the night, she guides him through the darkness, she brings him home...

Perhaps she was too focused on holding his spiritual hand to worry about her pants...? Love the idea of the pants, but not the execution of the pants. The leather jacket and her badass hair saves it from complete disaster but the pants... if only they were a different colour, a different fabric, if only she wasn’t wearing Chinese lady pants.

Go to any Chinese restaurant on Sunday, or any Chinese opera singing lesson for middle aged immigrants. You will see at least a dozen Chinese ladies like my mother wearing these pants. Gold is a popular colour. We love gold. Gold is for riches, gold is for wealth, gold is for showing off, and lace is like Chanel for them too. They are all over the lace. Lace cuffs, lace collars, sheer lace is even better. Gold lace is the mother-cking sh-t. And if they can get their hands on some rhinestones with the gold lace? Please. They’d lose their minds.

So why is Kristen Stewart wearing my ma’s pants?

Note however, to end with some praise, Stewart clearly knows about what to wear to other people’s premieres. Unlike that Lindsay Vonn, for example, who showed up at her bronze medal ceremony with her gold medal from a previous event which, like Gino Reda said on Olympic Morning, is akin to wearing your own wedding gown to some other bitch’s ceremony.

Kristen Stewart adheres to the Code. In Hollywood, few girls are capable of following the Code.

Photos from and and Jackson Lee/

Previous Article Next Article