Pre-awards Leo

December 29, 2015 14:35:33 Posted at December 29, 2015 14:35:33
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Every year celebrities head to St Barts for New Year’s Eve. Leonardo DiCaprio has become a St Barts NYE regular. And he’s there again. Here he is buying shoes there on Sunday. On Thursday night he’ll be on a billionaire’s yacht, celebrating the end of 2015 and hoping for big celebrations in 2016. You know, when/if he finally wins that Oscar. Because we’ve been told that he deserves that Oscar. And we’ve seen him do more in pursuit of that Oscar than he’s ever done for any model girlfriend in his life, ever. Which is why we should see him right back at work after NYE in St Barts. Because Oscar nomination voting begins tomorrow and runs until January 8th. January 7th is also when The Revenant opens in wide release. The film has performed well in limited release but, well, so did Steve Jobs. And you know what happened when Steve Jobs went wide.

This is probably the closest Leo’s ever come to Best Actor. He’s not taking any chances. And he shouldn’t. Because Leo was born in the Year of the Tiger. Starting February 8th, 2016, just 20 days before the Oscars, is the Year of the Monkey. The Monkey is the opposing sign of the Tiger. Tigers are in for some sh-t. My ma is a Tiger. She’s been preparing for it for months. I’m not saying Leo’s not going to win. But if he doesn’t play it perfectly, that Monkey will f-ck him. Is there such thing as a Chinese Oscar consultants? That might be my future career. Helping contenders voodoo the sh-t out of their campaigns. 

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