La Lohan and the new reform

August 16, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at August 16, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Ah yes. The neverending debate. As much as some of you can"t understand why I still think they"re real, I can"t understand why you still they aren"t. They hang. They droop. It"s a 20 year old droop as opposed to a 40 year old droop but it"s a droop all the same. And they flounce with the kind of natural poetry that has yet to be cosmetically engineered, perhaps the final frontier of breast development stubbornly refusing to be conquered. On this I"ll argue til I"m Cruise in the face. So can we agree to disagree? Because we have other matters to discuss - matters of behaviour, matters of professionalism, and what exactly does reform mean to my girl? How exactly does she execute her method? Well, if you think that she"d be walking the line after the studio smackdown from 2 weeks ago - think again. It"s certainly not what I"m hearing from sources who"ve observed her at the Chateau Marmont and from sources on the set of Georgia Rule, where she is reporting for work these days but never, ever on time. And not just half an hour either. We"re talking close to 3 hours consistently which is why she hasn’t exactly endeared herself to the minions on crew who have to suffer her disrespect. There are also rumours floating around that she likes to hit the sauce when she"s working which I"m SURE will do wonders in helping her secure that Oscar nomination her mother seems convinced she"ll receive as vindication for embarassment. Justice? Ha! Justice indeed Dina, justice indeed. And then there"s the Harry. Harry Morton, the new beau, the new beau who is supposedly not a hard core party freak, who"s been exerting a so-called positive influence over our favourite young starlet. From what I hear, yeah sure, he"s not Pete Doherty but he isn"t exactly the male version of that nauseating sugarplum Emmy Rossum either. Let"s just say that they say he can keep up, let"s just say that they say he has no complaints about her wild side, that he in fact prefers the wild side, and that he is greatly enjoying and profiting from their association - in other words, if it ain"t broke, don"t fix it…savvy? On the subject of hairy Harry though…it"s been nagging at me for weeks: what it is about him that freaks me out? Why I can"t look at him for very long without becoming violently repulsed? And then it hit me last night. Harry Morton, Chris McCandless, separated at birth. You ever read Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer? The true account of Chris McCandless, a well to do young man who decided to shun civilisation and pack up and live in the wilderness, who ended up dying of poison-induced starvation all by himself at the heartbreakingly tender age of 24? Man how I hated that book. And not because the author didn"t do a wonderful job, because he did, and not because the story wasn"t well written, because it was, but because I could not, no matter how hard I tried, summon anything resembling LIKE for the hero. Quite the opposite in fact, to the point of intense irritation, an inexplicable physical loathing that almost prevented me from finishing and I only did so for the sake of my book club, just so I could talk about how unenjoyable I found the experience. Looking back at the photos I"m consumed with the same overwhelming aversion - not altogether rational but there all the same and everytime I happen upon Harry Morton, I realise I"m seeing Chris McCandless - similar sunken eyes, hollow cheekbones, long face, thin lips obscured by facial hair, and that lazy haunting grin - f&ck it freaks me out. Almost as much as the GMD used to freak out Joe DiMaggio by stalking him like a little troll on vitamins. Funniest frickin" story of the day - you have to check it out. But I digress. Harry Morton - ick for me. And if it"s gotta be a Harry - why can"t it be the equine one? The Hot Harry on a Horse? Come on y"all…wouldn"t that be a story for the smutty ages? Just as delicious as the prospect of a Britney/Prince William hookup many years back? During her pop tart domination? Sigh. I miss Britney. I miss her so much. Photos from and
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