Crack Tweets Time Capsule

July 25, 2016 17:31:17 Posted at July 25, 2016 17:31:17
Maria Posted by Maria

Lindsay Lohan went on a social media binge this weekend, tweeting and posting photos of her (allegedly) cheating fiancé, Egor. She talked about “Russian hookers” (the best kind, right?), him not coming home, and then tried to drop a pregnancy announcement. She deleted most of it, but also left a few dead links up on Twitter.




Putting this together, I quickly came across an anthology of Lindsay’s Crack Tweets. Read more here, here, here, and here. Posting her rages to Twitter in 2009/2010 was actually ahead of its time.

But the problem today is that her routine has been done. By her. Again and again. At this point it can’t be really classified as a “meltdown” or “rant.” This is just her way of life.

Her fiancé is getting her wrath right now, but seeing as they live together, he must have seen this behaviour before– the drama and the accusations. She likely can’t go more than a week without having a crisis. Did you watch her docuseries, the one Oprah hooked her up with? They literally had to center the storyline around her moving to a new apartment because things normal people do every day (packing, looking at apartments, getting a lease) are almost impossible for her.

Or rather, the world makes it SO hard for Lindsay, and all she’s trying to be is her best, most artistic self (while she blows off meetings, berates people who try to help her, has unreasonable breakdowns at every turn, and lies her face off). Every single not-great thing that happens is someone else’s fault, and every opportunity she is offered is not worth her time.

That show was presented as her final, absolutely last chance and she still couldn’t hold it together. OPRAH HAD TO GO TO HER HOUSE TO SCOLD HER. When Oprah is showing up at your door to hand you your ass, you done f-cked up your life.

Lindsay is about patterns. She can’t get out of them. Her inability to hold a job is a pattern. The lying is a pattern. The relationship drama is a pattern. The crack tweets are a pattern. Publicly, Lindsay is seeking out the same-old drama in the same-old way.


I used to think Lindsay was just miscast in Hollywood and that she should have been a reality star, not a movie star. I overestimated her and underestimated people like Mrs. West.  Successful reality stars have to evolve, and they have to work so hard to keep the public’s attention; they have to be savvy and cunning if they ever want to build a career. Lindsay would never survive reality TV because she’s too lazy and too transparent. Forget the long game, she has no game.

Oh but what about her pregnancy tweet?

She’s tried that before, too. (Also she used a Google image from one of her movies, that’s how amateur hour she is.) She’s pulling basic reality TV sh-t without the reality TV paycheque, and that’s just dumb.

What she’s doing to him on social media (his Instagram account is private) would not be received so flippantly if she were a man. Scribbling out his face, implying she’s pregnant, posting what looked like covert videos of him at nightclubs – it’s not cute. In one post she mentioned “I guess I was the same at 23…”. Twenty-three? Try 30. Her attention seeking bullsh-t doesn’t get better with age, it gets worse.

As of writing this, Gossip Cop followed up on this story with specifics about the “ very heated” fight and notes a source who said Egor is MIA. So this source is close enough to Lindsay to know that the fight got really bad and Egor bolted and now no one can get a hold of him. Do we even need to wonder who is the source is at this point?

Daily Mail and The Sun have less genteel version of events: she was on the street at 5 a.m. screaming for help, saying he was trying to kill her, yelling out her address. I watched the video and she is sobbing and screaming, while Egor appears to be agitated (the video is very poor quality). It doesn’t show much – just a lot of pacing on a balcony. A neighbour did call the police, and her door had to be kicked down. No one was home.

Again, it all comes down to her patterns; combine childhood stardom with having a front-row seat to Dina and Michael Lohan’s marriage and Lindsay is actually the most predictable case study in Hollywood. Wherever there’s Lindsay drama, the parents pop up in some way. Never one to miss a chance to get his name in lights, Michael Lohan has already commented on the story to US Weekly. It’s not hard to see where she gets it from, right?

As the day/night wore on (and the high probably wore off) and she had everyone’s attention, she decided to pull out another of her old tricks: effusive celebrity compliments that actually benefit her. She reposted a shot of Jamie Lee Curtis with the Scream Queens cast (but why did she cut out Keke Palmer!?), and tagged Jamie’s public Instagram account and a private account that could be Jamie’s.

By using both, Lindsay wants you to thinks she’s tight with JLC. Most important, she wants you to remember Freaky Friday. Nostalgia is basically Lindsay Lohan’s manager at this point, she’s been dining out on the same three films for over a decade. If she needs to find a new boyfriend, nostalgia is key.

But will she need to find a new man (or men) to support her European lifestyle? We’ll know what became of little Egor soon enough. If they get back together, it will be quick and splashy (she will celebrate with a photo of a private jet or yacht with #blessed and prayer hands emoji caption). If they don’t, he will disappear along with the pregnancy tweet. Either way, Egor is basically f-cked for the next little while. Is there a Lilo Protection Program Samantha Ronson can hook him up with?

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