Bottom is still a long way off

April 27, 2010 08:48:16 Posted at April 27, 2010 08:48:16
Lainey Posted by Lainey

During my conversation with Maureen Callahan at the New York Post for her article on Lindsay Lohan – click here to read it if you missed it yesterday – she asked me why the public still cares. Why, when it’s the same drama day after day, why we’re still following. The obvious and easy answer is the car crash on the highway phenomenon, of course, but for me, and many of you who email about Lilo’s endless crank drama, it’s also because we are witnesses to the constant redefinition of the words Pathetic and Desperation. It’s terribly entertaining. Every week you think it couldn’t possibly get worse. It gets worse.

Last week her dad busted into her apartment with the cops and she hopped on Twitter to make the announcement. Then she stalked Samantha Ronson to a club on Friday bnight and threw a glass at her head. Then she declared – via Twitter obviously – that she was through with the scene. Then she was dumped from her movie. Then yesterday someone paid her to make milkshakes. She’s broke ass remember? She needs cash. So she dragged her 40 year old sister Ali with her to Millions of Milkshakes and invited the paps to come along and ... the worst part...

She posed with a FAKE OSCAR.

Remember when Lindsay Lohan declared in 2006 during an interview with InStyle that she wanted to win an Oscar by the time she turned 30? (Source) Remember when she told Rupert Grint that she’d actually probably win one by her 25th birthday? (Source)

I’ll give you a minute to stop laughing.

It’s the infamous Lohan delusion. It’s the same delusional sense of entitlement without effort that is infecting our shopping malls. They’re lining up in the malls, those parents who are teaching their kids that “you can do anything you put your mind to, even win an Oscar”. That’s what Dina told Lindsay, that’s what the momagers are telling their mini-Lindsays, this is what Twi-Hards are telling Robert Pattinson.

Couple of weeks ago, I posted an article about the Dumbest Idea Ever – Robert Pattinson playing Kurt Cobain. Click here for a refresher. Of course the Twi-Hards they came calling. This one from Debbie pretty much sums it up:

Lainey, I am very insulted by you saying Rob can’t play Kurt. I hope you put this on your site so everyone can see the power of the fans and how much we believe in Rob. If Rob wants to play Kurt Kobain he will do a great job. Whatever he put his mind to he will be amazing and we will support him no matter what. You just have to believe in yourself, Rob. When you believe in yourself no one can tell you that you can’t do it. It is very hurtful to keep pushing down people`s dreams Lainey. All we need is to believe in ourselves and watch what happens when you do.

Really? Because I want to be an astronomer. I love astronomy. But even if I set a world record in “believing” in myself, I’ll never be an astronomer. And I will never ever hole out on the 17th at Sawgrass and go under par for the round no matter how often and how hard I “believe”. When I was growing up, I asked my mother one day if I could ever be a model. She told me my legs were too stubby and I wasn’t pretty enough. Then I asked her if I could ever be a singer. She said my voice was too squeaky and annoying and that she didn’t want to be the one who gave birth to the girl with the “suicide songs”. She did however say that I was a great reader. And that I spoke very articulately. And that maybe I could be a lawyer or a librarian. This, at the time, made me really happy. Getting paid to read seemed like the best job ever.

By all means, give your kids some confidence. But also, please, manage their expectations. Lindsay Lohan actually still thinks she’s going to win an Oscar. Because her mother keeps telling her that the way she believes in herself is better than the way anyone else believes in themselves.

Some of you think she’s sad smut. And that’s your personal line. I think she loves herself too much to be sad smut. That’s my personal line.

Rock bottom?

Oh, we’re nowhere near rock bottom.

There’s still Dancing With The Stars. And a reality show. And porn. And modelling Ed Hardy. Like I said, she’s redefining Pathetic Desperation.

Photos from and

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