August 16, 2006 12:00:00
Posted at August 16, 2006 12:00:00
Ah yes. The neverending debate. As much as some of you can"t understand why I still think they"re real, I can"t understand why you still they aren"t. They hang. They droop. It"s a 20 year old droop as opposed to a 40 year old droop but it"s a droop all the same. Full Story
August 9, 2006 12:00:00
Posted at August 9, 2006 12:00:00
Someone. Anyone. Please stop her. Please stop my girl from going Britney - a verbally incontinent, ignorant young star too stoned and too stupid to understand the ramifications of her actions. Once upon a time, starlet breakdowns consisted of leaving your man at the altar and taking off with his best friend. Full Story
August 7, 2006 12:00:00
Posted at August 7, 2006 12:00:00
Who can out-drama Lindsay Lohan these days? My girl is owning it and she is living it and like all spoiled celebrities, she has now taken to complaining about it. Praise Goddess - what would smut be like without Lilo?
I"m sure you"ve heard the latest, right? Lindsay swarmed by pappies as she was leaving The Ivy the other day (see attached), prompting an anguished email to Perez Hilton, lamenting her fate, a desperate plea for compassion, even though she just happened to be breaking bread at THE place to go if and when you need to be noticed. Full Story
Wednesday, August 2, 2006
Sorry to disappoint but there will be no Mel bashing today. Or any other day. Because child star child molesters and suicidal middle aged racist hatemongers do no constitute my idea of fun smut. Instead, let"s focus on Paris Hilton"s black hole vajayjay
and the feng shui nightmare raining down on Tori Spelling.
But… if you"re looking for a final word on what I think of Mel and some more thoughts on why Dina Lohan is primed for Hades, help yourself to this recent article from The Canadian Press
(thanks Andrea!) for which I was asked to offer commentary.
In today"s issue: a column with Canadian colours - on Ryan, Ryan, Alanis, Rachel, and Elisha; on Tori"s tough times; on Buffy"s limp career; on Ricky Bobby and the Gay Midget Dwarf; on the Alba bitch and her piss pants attitude; on anorexics, recovered and otherwise; and a little Zizou to get you through the midweek hump.
Monday, July 31, 2006
The dog days of gossip summer saved by Lilo and Pam. Thank Goddess for child star junkies and concrete tits! Do NOT however thank Goddess for the middle aged drunk ass Nazi otherwise known at Mel Gibson. If you need to be updated, the brilliant smuthounds over at TMZ
have thoughtfully prepared a wonderfully detailed treatise on the situation that will get you all caught up.
Shocking? Hell no.
But parenting is paramount, haven’t you heard? And THAT, my fellow gossips, is why the future bodes dark for my dear Lindsay.
In today’s issue: on Dina Lohan, on McCartney, celebrating Pam, supermodel nostalgia, a little gloating, the Federlines impress in Vegas, and some hot Harry to kickstart your week.
July 31, 2006 12:00:00
Posted at July 31, 2006 12:00:00
If, on the off chance, you’re mystified about the source of Lindsay Lohan’s assy behaviour, one need look no further than Dina Lohan, a woman so hellbent on living the high life THROUGH her daughter, she’s clearly willing to SELL her daughter – quite possibly the finest example of parental pimpage in a town full of parent pimps. Full Story
July 28, 2006 12:00:00
Posted at July 28, 2006 12:00:00
I had to laugh a few weeks ago when I read a piece on Lindsay Lohan - something about winning an Oscar within 5 years. Now y"all know Firecrotch is my girl but seriously… I think she"s clearly been damaged by all the sex. Because not only does she have to battle her own demons, she also has to battle her peers. Full Story
July 27, 2006 12:00:00
Posted at July 27, 2006 12:00:00
Have you heard? Lilo was hospitalised yesterday for getting too hot on the set of her new movie Georgia Rule. It was a scorching day in Hollywood and apparently she withered under the sun, after working for over 10 hours straight.
You ever been on a film set? You ever been on a film set with an A-list actor? Let me tell you how it goes, ok? There are these big vehicles called trailers? And the bigger the star, the bigger the trailer? And, like, when the actor isn"t under the cameras, she"s usually in the trailer? So the director and all the techie people, they, like, set up the shots and make sure the lighting is right and then when everything"s in place, some little minion runs to the trailer and says, "Miss Fabulous? They"re ready for you", at which point Miss Fabulous comes out of the air conditioned trailer and goes into the shot and tries to do it as many times as it takes to get it right while make up artists and assistants hover around with water or M&Ms or whatever"s needed to placate the star and after 15 hours of repeating the same trailer to set to trailer thing over and over again, the star gets to go home. Full Story
July 26, 2006 12:00:00
Posted at July 26, 2006 12:00:00
I don’t often long for my 20s. Sure, sure…to you I might sound like a bitter aging bitch but to me, 30+ has been fun. More than fun. It’s been the best fun. Because if you’re able to exercise some moderation with sun and drugs during your 20s, you arrive at 30 still looking decent and most importantly, THINKING more than decent. Full Story
July 21, 2006 12:00:00
Posted at July 21, 2006 12:00:00
America Ferrera was the star of a gorgeous little movie called Real Women Have Curves. She also played Carmen in the film adaptation of The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants – one of my all time favourite teen book series.
America Ferrera is 22, same age category as Lindsay Lohan, Keira Knightley, and Kate Bosworth, but a thousand times more attractive. Full Story
Thursday, July 20, 2006
My husband is NOT a smuthound. He is supportive and he is reasonably affectionate but he has never ever read a full column. He also doesn’t care for the whereabouts of Little Sci, and – horror of horrors – he isn’t at all fascinated by the open door policy of Lindsay Lohan’s lascivious legs.
Today, however, I finally “arrived” in his eyes. And that is because I had the honour of appearing on Off the Record with Michael Landsberg
on TSN – a sports talk show where you get to yell at people for not having the same opinions as you. I’m telling you - letting ‘er rip on national television is such a frickin’ rush.
For the record, Michael Landsberg is a sexy bitch. A sexy bitch with a 20 year old son and many traces of Botox withOUT the botulism. Yes, I asked him point blank. And he answered point blank. No chemical enhancements, just great genes, and isn’t it funny that someone like Eminem has to get his face plumped while a Canadian sports anchor could make Nicole Kidman drool over his forehead? The Goddess works in mysterious ways, non?
My thanks to Michael and the OTR team for the opportunity and to the Fantoo girls for the girly girl sporty tee – a black super cute shirt with a basketball net emblazoned with crystals! Do you love it?
Anyway, I’m going to apologise in advance for keeping this so short. If you dare to, you can blame my mother. I came home from dinner tonight ready to write only to be greeted by 7 of her clucking hen Chinese mahjong buddies who were invited over for a “viewing party”.
Do you remember when you were little, when your mother would make you put on your pink party dress and twirl around for the guests? Cut to me at 32 – standing in the middle of my parents’ living room obliged to tap dance on command for a gaggle of Hong Kong housewives cheered on by the lunatic I call my mother.
It took 90 minutes before I could excuse myself without her freaking out and threatening to curse me with her feng shui blackmail. And that, my fellow gossips, is why I’m exhausted.
I promise a full length issue Thursday night. In the meantime, here are a few brief bits including more ooey gooey McGosling sightings, Lohan observation at the Chateau Marmont, news about Ryan Reynolds and Alanis Morrissette, and a teaser exclusive about Hayden Christensen on tomorrow’s eTalk.