Listen To Gwyneth
Dear Sasha, I met a guy who travels in the same circles as me, and we clicked immediately. We had wonderful conversations, great chemistry, and everything happened very fast but very organically. BUT. I knew he had just gotten out of an 8 year relationship (we're in our late 20s), so I told him I didn't expect a relationship right away and I tried to keep things at a moderate pace. He explained the demise of the relationship as just realizing the fundamentals were off, and that they had been for a while. In other words, he seemed very over the girl and apparently had a healthy take on it.
I totally let down my emotional guard because it turns out he seemed kind of perfect for me and he was constantly telling me how much he liked me and wanted to spend time with me. I held off sex for awhile but decided to go for that too after making it clear that sex is important and emotional to me. Unfortunately that triggered something, he freaked out and said we'd gone way too fast, and then he sort of disappeared.
We've continued to message a little bit, and hung out once at an event for which he had already bought tickets, but it's been hard. Our mutual friends have assured me he likes me but to be patient. I tried my best, but a) I found out he'd actually dated someone before me and pulled a very similar stunt, and b) this weekend I came home (drunk) to find a running narrative on FB about his night out with one of our friends where he was apparently hitting on pretty much everyone. I couldn't deal, and I de-friended him and blocked him on g-chat.
it's been eating me up for a while to the point of making me kind of sick and frankly pathetic, and I'm wondering whether I should just ball up and wash my hands of this or have a conversation (in which I don't even know where to start). Thoughts? Thanks, W
The thing that’s throwing me off the most right now is I don’t think I’ve ever heard a guy freak out over sex. Like, do guys say ‘this is moving too fast’? That sounds super puss town to me, but whatever, I guess that’s not your biggest problem at the moment.
Okay W, right off the bat I can tell you’re really scared of getting hurt. This is totally natural, but I’ve got to say that your whole de-friending/cutting him out of your life thing was a tad cray.
I do however get why you’re confused by his behavior because that hot and cold game is definitely a mind f-ck; and in situations like this I think the best thing to do is be honest. So, pull up those big girl pants and have a chat with him and let him know that you were a bit hurt. Hear what he has to say and go from there. Maybe he won’t be interested in you in the end, but there is that small chance that he could be and yes, a cliché coming your way…. you’ll never know unless you try. Right?
I was watching Country Strong this morning – don’t judge (Lainey: what did I tell you about Sasha’s taste in tv and movies???)- and G said something that really hit me. Forgive the paraphrasing, but it was something to the effect of never fear falling in love, fall in love with as many things as you can. Granted she said this right before she killed herself, but I gotta admit that it warmed the cockles of my cold heart. Here’s why: Letting your guard down and being vulnerable is one of the most freeing things you can do in life. Yes, of course it means there’s great potential for heartbreak, but I’ve learned some of the most important things about myself from getting my heart stomped on.
I guess my point here is be prepared for him to not be interested and be okay with that. It doesn’t mean you’re defected and un-loveable, it just means he wasn’t the right one, you know? I hope this helps! Keep me posted on the outcome! xx
REMINDER: starting next week Sasha’s lifestyle articles will be posted directly to the LifeStyle section.