Lucy & Bai: a study in sino-contrast
March 22, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at March 22, 2006 12:00:00
At 2 separate events yesterday. Total Asian gorgessity on one side. Total Asian skank ass on the other. Lucy Liu is all class, elegance, and clean underwear. Bai Ling is all trash, whore, and panties with holes. Is there any wonder why her presence on the scene offends the collective "us"? You ready for a little Chinese 101? There are nice girls like Lucy who do their thing, who don’t dangle their oriental delight in the face of yellow fever maniacs, who find a happy medium between the Hello Kitty Fook-Yu/ Fook-Mi’s and the massage parlour liberal wantons eager to dispel the bound-foot, subservient geisha images that so many of my people inevitably get boxed into. Unfortunately, there aren’t enough Lucy Lius in the world. Not enough Lucy’s and too many Bai’s. My mother has a word for women like her. Ever the politically incorrect Hong Konger, mamma calls them “Smelly Chickens", not be confused of course with "Old School Chickens" but we"ll save that lesson for another day. In Chinese slang, a “chicken” is a hooker. And a “duck” is a gigolo. A Smelly Chicken is an amoral gold digging slut from the Motherland - uneducated, money hungry, loose, and manipulative, who will deliberately tempt horny, very married, moderately well off Chinese business men into having affairs with them, make them leave their wives, and live off the spoils. On the outside, to the untrained non-Asian eye, Smelly Chickens look exactly like other Asian girls. But for an eagle vision expert like my mother, the signs are unmistakeable: imitation premium label, straddle walking, bad table manners, blunt cut bangs with perms, atrocious footwear, and the inability to eat without jungle sound effects and badly formed teeth flying everywhere. As you can see, Bai Ling pretty much IS the description. Aiya Smelly Chicken indeed.