Age of The Heiress Redux

February 6, 2013 20:48:29 Posted at February 6, 2013 20:48:29
Dean Posted by Dean
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Bloomberg/ Getty

I have a shameful confession to make but I think now is the time to admit that at one point…I was very into heiresses. Paris, Nicole, even the reprehensible Kim Stewart, I was into the whole thing. As embarrassing as this is, I can’t be the only person responsible for what Paris is today though, right? Some of you have to have been pulled in be their shameless spending, vulgar fashion choices (remember those drop waist skirts?!) and never-ending party lifestyle. So that’s why I think you’ll be excited to learn the second wave of heiress culture is here, and it’s one we can feel good about because this time around it has nothing to do with glamour.

Meet Lynsi Torres. The charmingly named, Lynsi, is making headlines this week because she’s been outed as America’s youngest female billionaire.

Where does all this money come from?

Greasy-ass burgers, specifically from In-And-Out. Her family started the company and now, at 30, she’s sitting on 1.1 billion burger bucks.

Personally, Lynsi is kind of a mess. She’s already been married three times. First to her high school sweet heart, then to a nobody and currently she’s hooked up with a race car driver (NASCAR apparently a passion of hers). And where the millennial heiress set craved attention above all else, Lynsi seems practically agoraphobic, preferring to remain in the shadows of her 17 million dollar mansion. She’s basically a sloppier version of when Lisa Simpson went to find the woman who created Malibu Stacy.

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Money inherited from grease. Phobias. Trashy hobbies. This is the formula for the modern heiress. Is there a mutton-busting-obsessed Coffee Time heiress waiting in the wings? How about an astraphobic young lady who’s inherited a fortune in Dollarama dollars? I sure hope so.

Click here for more on Lynsi Torres.

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