Charlotte Church rock star

April 20, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at April 20, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Now here"s someone with a much healthier body image. So in case you missed it, she"s not an angel anymore. In fact, Charlotte Church lost her angel many years ago. So the fact that she"s no longer singing like one makes a lot of sense. The new Charlotte wants to rock out. The new Charlotte wears bad ass gloves with the fingers cut off and very tight jeans. The new Charlotte believes she can be bigger than Britney - the true heir to Madonna. True in more ways than one, I suppose. After all, at the tender age of 20, I hear her sexual exploits have achieved almost legendary status. However, if Charlotte really wants to acquire pop-tart-eventual-icon status, she needs to understand the undeniable significance of GOOD HAIR in a girl"s career. You cannot succeed if you don"t capture the era with your mane. Charlotte, unfortunately, has completely missed the point. Now I"m all over the 80s fashion comeback. Totally love it. Can"t get enough of my leggings and, of course, my skinny jeans. In fact, just a few hours ago, when Here I Go Again shuffled across the iPod (for the first time in, like, 6 months) I quickly pulled on my supertight Arrogant Cats and spent the better part of 4 minutes doing a Tawny Kitaen-inspired solo on the couch/hood of the car - with much less passionate results. My husband, at the time, had one eye on his online poker game and the other on French porn. Needless to say, he couldn"t be bothered to look up. But I digress. The point is - not everything about the 80s is meant to return. Jelly shoes, for example, will never come back. Rats" tails on the nape of the neck? Not so much. And Charlotte"s godawful follicle explosion? On a 20 year old??? Maybe in a town where brothers and sisters and cousins marry each other … but definitely not in London. And definitely not in showbiz. The fallen angel needs hair help, y"all. A promising career is now hanging in the balance...
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