March 21, 2014 – Smutty Shout-Outs
“To our beautiful tree of life Melissa on her birthday, from her friends in gossip and EARS. For being as thoughtful and generous as Leslie Knope at Christmas, as warm-hearted as a hobbit (though far less annoying), as intelligent as a high-functioning sociopath and as pretty as a Tori Amos cover song, here is your #1, Viggo, your recently discovered love, Benedict Cumberbatch (not that anyone would be smug about this admission), Tom Hardy and an adorable pit bull pup, and Russell Brand with a special greeting for you! We hope that the year ahead is kind and generous to you, and that none of us have contracted Syphilis of the Eye from looking at this picture."
“To Lindsay, who is celebrating her 30th (!!!) birthday tomorrow. Amy says you’re the cheese to her macaroni and she’s super excited for another year of amazeballs good times—Ravinia concerts, shopping, a certain gossip maven’s book release... Enjoy every delicious moment of your trip to Arizona and then we’ll truly paint the town when you return to Chicago!” (attached by request: Daniel Day-Lewis and Joseph Gordon-Levitt)
To Cheryl from Allison: “Only 27 more days till you've conquered your dreams! You're almost there and I couldn't be more proud of you. I know how much courage it took to change your life, and you were right... there were tough times, and at some points you and I both wanted to get out of this thing, but we'll never regret persevering. Luckily, Lainey kept us connected and sane through 8 hour time differences, a distance of 5,207 miles, torturous consulting projects and Roberto Luongo's trade to Florida. Love you lots, your Big Sissy” (attached by requested: Rob Thomas and Roberto Luongo)
Louise! Happy Birthday with love from Janelle – for the 5th time! I’m supposed to tell you what the hottest fashion accessories will be this season. Um, to borrow from Kanye West, how about “sunglasses and Advil”? Let every night be mad real. That’s how I plan to spend my summer. Let’s do that together? Here are Matt Damon, Colin Farrell, Ryan Gosling, and RDJ – is that enough sex?
To Marie-Pierre – Happy Birthday from your best friend Judith who is sorry about missing your dinner party and is making up for it with… BSB! I’ve attached two hilarious photos for your favourite for the Gossip Nostalgia. Have fun in Vegas! I want you send me a photo of you lunging, just like her:
And for Pris on your 30th Birthday from your Montreal crew – Kelly, Vivian, Angie, Dre, and The Quibbler. You looked good in LA. And he thinks so too: