March 22, 2016 – Smutty Shout-Outs

March 22, 2016 13:56:06 Posted at March 22, 2016 13:56:06
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Louise! Happy Birthday from Janelle who requested photos of Colin Farrell, Matt Damon, and Ryan Gosling – all shirtless because she’s asked too many times for them to be clothed. Here!

Happy Birthday Harrison and Antoinette! For your 15th Harrison, mom’s giving you fresh photos of Jennifer Lawrence below and for your 40th Nettie, your sister’s giving you Charlie Hunnam, sort of.

"To our resident foxy librarian, Melissa, on her birthday. We're sorry that this greeting is a little late and we made you wait for it, but we didn't want to throw away our shot to express how lucky we are to be alive right now, and to have you in our lives. Whether you're doling out your infinite pet care wisdom, picking out gifts so perfect that Leslie Knope would have to up her game, or (lovingly?) kicking our asses when we need it, we want you to know that the Jays can keep Donaldson - we've got you as an MVP.   And while you have had setbacks, in the immortal words of Coach Taylor, "Every man at some point in his life is gonna lose a battle. He's gonna fight and he's gonna lose. But what makes him a man is that in the midst of that battle he does not lose himself." And you, Melissa Eugenia Beatrice, have never lost yourself in the face of anything, even as you burst into battle like Hercules Mulligan.

We know that this year will have you metaphorically flipping the bat over your shoulder, since all the omens in the universe are pointing towards it - the end of Jon Stewart's Daily Show run gave us the amazing gift of Samantha Bee, Amy Schumer's book is coming out, we'll be seeing Beyonce, the only Virgo that could rival the Queen Virgo Wendy, and (SUBTLE HINT ALERT) launching your pet advice blog. And so to start things off right, here are your newly discovered Domhnall Gleeson, Mulder looking un-melted-candle-y, your Ewan, Common, and your old man boyfriend, Harrison Ford."

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