Marcus and Friends (dogs) Articles

Celebrities and animals including appearances by our first boy Marcus.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Dear Gossips,

The Westminster Dog Show will be crowning a new winner this week. You know how at beauty pageants, the outgoing Miss will take a final waving stroll, as her comments are broadcast on overhead speaker (!), before the new queen is announced? Imagine Uno making his last lap – it’s been a busy 12 months.

But for an entire year, I have endured the sounds of my husband huffing and puffing over the injustice. Because we have a beagle too. And my husband, he is That Guy. My beagle is the best. My beagle is the most beautiful. As he loudly (and crudely) announced yesterday – MY beagle could be licking his asshole and he’d still be cuter than Uno. Then he decided to put it to a photo challenge.

This is why parents end up in fistfights at hockey games.

Thank you for your Grammy and BAFTA emails yesterday! It was a LOOOOOONG column – 48 articles in total and 10,000 words. Scroll down and get caught up if you haven’t!

Tuesday – am blogging all day, but there won’t be Rihanna/Chris Brown updates every 15 minutes on her injuries. is good for that. Let’s focus on some fun smut, shall we? In times like these we turn to Porny Simpson. She has healing powers.

Yours in gossip,


Sasha Fierce hates dogs?

January 15, 2009 09:55:26 Posted at January 15, 2009 09:55:26
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Thank you for your emails about Marcus. He gave us a scare and what topped it off for us was that he was not interested in food. It was a sign of the apocalypse. This is what happens when you eat sh-t. Relief though - he’s turned a corner after getting a shot in the ass. And we knew it was all good when he barked in the FedEx man’s face yesterday because the lovely fellow understandably did not want to touch his stanky toy goose for an impromptu game of chase. Full Story

December 18, 2008 – Smutty Shout-Outs

December 18, 2008 06:47:20 Posted at December 18, 2008 06:47:20
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Happy 34th Birthday Rebekah! Yes… I did dream of being taller. Even 5 ft 5 would have been good. Sorry about your cold but am sure the boyfriend will more than make up for it when he’s home. Tuck in and get cosy! Watch Love Actually! To Sarah J – thanks for taking my gossip from law school to Fergus, congratulations on your move and on your partnership (!). Full Story

Sponsored Smut: BC SPCA – the best gift ever

December 16, 2008 07:51:46 Posted at December 16, 2008 07:51:46
Lainey Posted by Lainey

My friend Lara is in love. She and Ryan have been together a long time. But they fell in love 3 weeks ago with Lucky. This is Lucky. Lucky is half lab, half beagle. A rescue dog. Lucky is lucky to have found Lara and Ryan. And ZadieSmith is lucky to have found Duana. Duana adopted ZadieSmith a few months ago. Full Story

October 30, 2008 – Smutty Shout-Outs

October 30, 2008 05:47:28 Posted at October 30, 2008 05:47:28
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Happy belated Birthday Katie D! Thanks for showing Vera the smut and hope yesterday’s amazingness extends all the way to the weekend. And thank you all for your well wishes and emails for Marcus. We, my husband and I, are very touched. He, on the other hand, because he has a bad attitude, couldn’t give a sh-t. Full Story

October 23, 2008 – Smutty Shout-Outs

October 23, 2008 06:42:08 Posted at October 23, 2008 06:42:08
Lainey Posted by Lainey

To Tricia – sorry about your sucky week and missing Madonna. As for cheering you up with sexy boys… not sure about you but I’m partial to Steve Yzerman, recently named Executive Director for Team Canada 2010 going for Olympic gold at home and one of the nicest people in hockey, to say nothing for the hotness. Full Story

Deciphering Jessica Simpson

July 31, 2008 11:29:00 Posted at July 31, 2008 11:29:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

The effort is there...but so is the cheese. Granted, it’s over the top corny and I’m the bitch who’s dead inside. So most of the time, as soon as I hear the words “cherish” and “heart” in the same sentence, it’s an excuse to head to the casino. Anything is an excuse to head to the casino. Full Story

Monday, June 9, 2008

Dear Gossips,

My husband has the assiest style, like, ever. Totally oblivious to what looks ok and what looks like loser. So the mantra in our house is: if he thinks it looks good, it means it looks like sh*t.

Normally I don’t care. But we’re headed to Toronto this week and he’s coming to our party and I’m the asshole who doesn’t want to be seen with the dude who still rocks pleats. Pleats!!!

So we went shopping. We went shopping and we had to fight over his Poland circa 1979 sense of style. What’s most heartbreaking though is that he has a clothes hanger body, which means when he’s willing to not look like a dork, he has the potential of looking pretty good. This is why Quiveration is a package, see? It’s never just a face, or just a body. It’s the way the face and the body are packaged and sold. Because if David Beckham dressed like my husband, I don’t care what he looks like naked. My loins would say no.

Surprisingly enough though, he also bought a new pair of golf shoes this weekend… inspired by Justin Timberlake’s. He said it was the only part of Pip’s golf gear he was down with, making mention that Pip’s pants were “goofy”. Ugh. You see what I have to live with?

Congratulations to the following winners of the Cesar Millan book giveaway contest!

Tanya N and Bogart, Erin M and Reese, and Lori B and Willy. Also attached…Marcus being a dickhead at grandpa’s, mooching for food, as usual.

Monday – am online all day, check back often. And two new riddles!

Yours in gossip,


Dog Whisperer Book Giveaway!

May 27, 2008 06:14:09 Posted at May 27, 2008 06:14:09
Lainey Posted by Lainey

It’s the Ultimate Episode Guide to Cesar’s show indexed according to breed and behavioural problem. Thanks to the Dog Whisperer, my husband now thinks he’s like the Polish Cesar Milan. Even though our dog is still an asshole. His excuse is that Marcus has no respect for me. That I’m simply his Food Bitch. Full Story

May 13, 2008 – Smutty Shout-Outs

May 13, 2008 04:53:44 Posted at May 13, 2008 04:53:44
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Happy 33rd Birthday Andree! How was Hamlet? Love that you love smut as much as you love Shakespeare! For my cousin Cat who completed her 3rd half marathon on Sunday and achieved her best time to date. Am so proud of you! Congratulations! Marcus would congratulate you too. Except that he’s too busy being lazy. Full Story

What Else Is There To Do?

May 5, 2008 09:17:20 Posted at May 5, 2008 09:17:20
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Jennifer Aniston has the best life to go with the best body. I love food too much to have a body like that. Sigh. Check her out, in her favourite spot, by the pool this weekend in Miami soaking up the sun. And all this wasn’t stimulating enough for Brad Pitt? Shocking. As for the photos themselves… amazing with all the security she has and how vigilant her bodyguards are about not allowing her to be papped that she keeps getting papped every single weekend. Full Story