Hot tubs solve problems

January 5, 2017 14:50:08 Posted at January 5, 2017 14:50:08
Lainey Posted by Lainey
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It’s been five days since Mimi’s shambolic performance on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve. Every day there’s been a new headline over whose fault it was, whether or not Mimi was set up to fail, whether or not she failed because she’s lazy…and now, now she’s let go of her creative director, Anthony Burrell. According to ET, Anthony made the decision to have Mimi’s backup singers moved back on the stage for the NYE show so that the dancers would have more room to make jazz hands around Mimi’s face, and lift her on command. When the sound got so f-cked up, Mimi was unable to rely on her backup singers to find the musical cues. Basically what she’s saying is that he let her down. And he’s not getting a chance to make it up to her…because…

Bryan Tanaka’s getting a promotion.

Is this a case of JLO and the Slum Bear?

I think it depends on whether or not you think Mimi and Tanaka are actually f-cking. Whether or not you think that Mimi f-cks at all. She’s constantly pouring her tits out of her dresses but does Mimi ever give you the impression that she’s actually sexual? Mimi and Tanaka hooked up like 5 minutes after she and James Packer ended their engagement. Mariah’s World was re-edited, and some of it reshot, to account for Tanaka’s new presence in her life. Are they actually dating then? As in a real relationship? Or is this more of a business relationship, like an employer-employee situation? If he’s an employee? By all means, promote the employee to creative director, replacing Anthony Burrell. If he’s more than an employee and also her boyfriend though, the way Casper was for JLO, well, well… ?????

Well Stella.

That’s the other factor here. Mimi’s manager, Stella “go f-ck yourself” Bulochnikov, has undeniably become the most important influence in Mimi’s life over the last year and a half. Any possible promotion for Tanaka would have to clear Stella first. If Mimi can’t keep a backup dancer in check, Stella can. And will. Nothing is coming between Stella and Mimi. Which, you know, I wouldn’t mind so much if I trusted her more.

There’s a part of me that really loves the Mimi + Stella combination. Mostly because it’s hilarious. The two of them together are like mob wives. Best case scenario, Stella’s truly in it to have Mimi’s back. Worst case scenario, and the fear here, is that Stella’s another Colonel Parker. 

Which is what Mimi’s first ex-husband, Tommy Mottola, seems to be suggesting. As you know, Mimi was with Tommy at the start of her career. Later on, she implied that being married to him was like imprisonment. He controlled her and, some say, he emotionally abused her. But Tommy still thinks he knows what’s best for Mimi. In an exclusive statement to Page Six, he writes:

“MC is arguably the greatest pop voice to come along in the last three decades. She has had more number one hits than any pop artist in history!!! She is a global icon and a treasure with incredible talent not only as a singer but as a great songwriter. What happened on NYE could’ve happened to anyone! Yes, her technical people should’ve helped pay more attention to all of it so that there was no chance of that happening.

“My only advice is that she should hire more seasoned and respected professionals to surround her and help her with her career! I would never have encouraged her or guided her to do something like a reality television show!!!!! I don’t get it!!” Mottola wrote, adding, “That does absolutely nothing for her integrity, her credibility, or her massive talent!! She should take a step back, think carefully and figure out what to do next. That is what she does best, most certainly none of these issues or problems ever existed with her in her early days at Sony for the first 10 years when she skyrocketed to global superstardom!! Where absolutely meticulous and methodical attention was paid to every single detail and nuance that went on into her career!”

And Stella’s response to this?

“Really? Tommy is a relic. Did he give you that statement from a rotary phone?”

See? Comments like this are why I want to love her so bad.

While Stella was defending Mimi, Mimi’s back in Aspen, in the hot tub, obviously.

 

Aspen moments. ❄️❤️

A photo posted by Mariah Carey (@mariahcarey) on


I love how she’s trying to pull down one of the straps of her bathing suit like she’s that girl who would get down in a hot tub. But, as my friend O said last night, the glitter butterfly wants you to think she spreads her wings but… I’m not sure she ever really spreads her wings.

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