Kay vs The Squawking Chicken

August 27, 2008 10:55:03 Posted at August 27, 2008 10:55:03
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Kay McConaughey, Matthew’s mother, might actually rival mine in no shameness. I love her. Kay, I mean. She makes my life. I need to be her friend.

Kay is writing a book. The title? I AMAZE MYSELF!

It’s true. She amazes me too.

In her book, she describes the death of her husband – he literally died on top of her and she only realised it because he wasn’t grunting:

“On Monday mornings, he and I often said goodbye by making love. But one day, all of a sudden, it just happened. I knew that something was wrong, because I didn’t hear anything from him. Just nothing. But it was just the best way to go!”

Kay also reveals that Matthew was conceived as an alternative to cheating on her husband, just after she married Mr McConaughey Senior for the THIRD time. His junk must’ve been addictive.

“I was deciding, ‘Do I want to have another baby? Do I want to have an affair? Or go back to school? That’s when Matthew was conceived. We had tried for 16 years and no baby. So Matthew was a big surprise!”

Needless to say, Kay has no qualms about discussing her sex life.

Just like my mother the Chinese Squawking Chicken has no qualms, like none, about discussing her intestinal activity. Time and again, she will freely drop details about her bowel movements to unsuspecting listeners. Over dimsum, while telling the story of her kidney transplant, just as the har gow is arriving, my mother will be announcing at the top of her lungs how fortuitous it was that she was able to empty four times before the operation, making it easier for the surgeons to, um, move things around in that area.

The 2nd time she met my husband, she blindsided him with a request to “help me do my 24 hour pee pee”. At the time, she was submitting a urine sample over a 24 hour period to test her creatinine level. What she was asking was for him to reach up to the top shelf and bring down her pee jug. Throughout the day she’d carry that thing around with her, like a comfort pillow, swinging the contents around freely in front of him.

I’m used to it… he was not. Still…he prefers the bathroom information over the sex information.

Some people are squeamish hearing about their parents and sex. Some people prefer parental sex to parentals taking a sh*t.

I’m with Kay.

Sex > Poo.

Source Us Weekly

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