Worst Jailbait: Miley Cyrus

February 25, 2008 00:00:00 Posted at February 25, 2008 00:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

To be fair, her dress was impressively appropriate. Impressively because we all know how often this 15 year old has been dressed appropriately of late. Which of course is not at all.

The propriety, unfortunately, stops there. Because the child then proceeded to cocktease the carpet and the paparazzi so hard that we were uncomfortable just watching her on the pool feed monitors, let alone in person.

Miley kept trying to work some Angelina Jolie into her lips, mashing them together over those teeth, and I’d have been embarrassed for her if not for that unmistakable hunger in her eyes. The same hunger in Lindsay Lohan’s eyes. And Britney Spears before her. And Hayden Panettiere too. The hunger inherited from their parents and passed on to their so called prodigy. The daughter who has recently claimed that it is God’s influence that keeps her on the straight and narrow, and that she recommends God as a healing answer to Britney’s problems.

Reminds me of a classic Judi Dench piece of dialogue from Shakespeare in Love – Queen Elizabeth to Lord Wessex about Viola:

Have her, then, but you"re a lordly fool. She"s been plucked since I saw her last - and not by you. It takes a woman to know it.

Doesn’t take a queen to figure out that Miley mouthbreather’s white linens, if on the very very off chance they’re still unsoiled, won’t remain so for long.

Did I mention she took her shoes off right after photos? Was complaining about her feet so she took them off and tossed them at an assistant. Give it 18 monthis - Miley will be raging. Trust.

Photos from Splashnewsonline.com

Previous Article Next Article