Unlike Mariah Carey, I am not a master tweeter. I cannot tweet with a 7 octave range, nor can I tweet in the "whisper register".
No, my tweets consist of ragging on my punk bitch of a driver, praising my new sand wedge, and challenging Sidney Crosby not to be a whiny baby.
These tweets may be woefully inadequate next to Mimi's, but at the very least, I know they're not full of Rossum ass vomit.
You know whose tweets are full of Rossum ass vomit?
Jailbait and her fresh ex.
As I tingled today, Miley Cyrus is single. She broke up with that 20 year old loser. Of course nothing ever happens unless it happens on Twitter. So both tweeted about their heartbreak providing you with the trigger you need to bring up that extra beer you should not have agreed to after work.
Don't say I didn't warn you. Here's what Miley wrote:
“Tears are words the heart can't express”. Why does saying good-bye hurt so much? daddys giving me therapy. this is worth 10000000 dollars. life will go on. you will smile again.... we will smile again.
And then his response:
Sleep just can't find me tonight. "do I have to fall asleep with roses in my hands?" How many tears are on there. They've gotta run out soon right?
Did you run to Daddy when you broke up with your boyfriend?
Ew. F-ck. Sick.
Also, horribly unfair to say, but men crying and tweeting about crying is a sin against quiveration.
Please don't. Ever.
File photo from Wenn.com