Low classy Beat-Me Mouth

November 19, 2008 13:14:51 Posted at November 19, 2008 13:14:51
Lainey Posted by Lainey

JailBait Miley Cyrus appeared on Ellen this week to promote Bolt and made everyone hate her even more.

See clip below.

I know. You want to slap her in the beat-me mouth, don’t you? That voice, that cackle – how many cigarettes do you have to mainline to achieve that cackle? And the low classy chair fidgeting. My mother would have twisted me by the ear and dragged me down to the stinky vegetable market to mix with the villagers if I low classy chair fidgeted like that on national television.

She has a thing, my mother, about body twitches. Like when you see someone seated at a restaurant, and they’re bouncing one leg up and down under the table? It’s the worst habit ever.

According to my mother, it’s also a sign of poor breeding. She’s been known to request a different seating arrangement if someone next to her starts bouncing their legs. And once, particularly offended by a particularly offensive leg bouncer, she actually hissed “Cha!” into his ear as she swept by on her way to the loo, claiming she had sneezed.

Never mind that she eats with her mouth open.

It all goes back to the old days. Picture a narrow street in Hong Hong at night, the sewers are stinky, the people are stinky, and the triads are running the show. And a group of punk ass gang members holds court at a sidewalk noodle shop, all wearing beater tanks, their underarm hair poking out like black insect legs, a cigarette or a toothpick out the side of their mouths, legs spread open and one hand braced on one knee bouncing up and down kissing their teeth and hurling obscenities at the ladies walking by…

THAT is Miley Cyrus.

File photos from Flynetonline.com

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