Jurassic World’s jerk dinosaur
Frazer Harrison/ Tommaso Boddi/ Kevin Winter/ Jeff Kravitz/ Lester Cohen/ KCA2015/ Getty Images
A new TV spot for Jurassic World has arrived and it’s teasing out more information about the new monstersaur on the block: Indominus Rex, the pants-sh*tting terror quaintly referred to as an “attraction” by the meat bags upon which it will soon be feasting. We’ve gotten a glimpse of Indominus already, and now we’re getting to see a little bit more of it—chiefly its giant horrifying death claws. There’s a lot of cutting away and tricksy angles and one fast action shot of Indominus, no doubt to preserve the money shot for the movie but also because the special effects aren’t complete and there’s simply not a lot of clean material to work with.
But we do learn that Indominus ate its sibling and hunts for sport. Oh great, Science, you invented a death machine and made it an asshole, too. Remember the nickname of the Velociraptor in Jurassic Park? It was “Clever Girl”. The raptors were frightening, but they weren’t inherently evil. They were just doing what apex predators do—claiming territory and eating everything in sight. Even the T-Rex became kind of the hero in a way, when she ate the raptors. The villains in Jurassic Park was humanity’s god complex and f*cking Newman for downing the park security. The dinosaurs were just there, being dinosaurs in the vicinity of puny humans, which is never going to work out for us.
But Indominus Rex is a villain. This is not a conflict of human ethics in the face of scientific inquest. This is definitely an asshole dinosaur out to ruin everyone’s day. Look at its eye—that’s the eye of a creature that only knows murder. My cat looks me at like that sometimes and it’s in those moments I know that she would eat my face if I died in my sleep. She might not even wait till I’m dead—I wake up occasionally to find her sitting on my pillow, slowly running her paw through my hair and in the morning quiet she whispers, “There can be only one.” The point is, my cat’s an asshole and so is Indominus Rex. Way to go, Science.
Attached - Chris Pratt at the Kids' Choice Awards on Saturday.