Fantastic Beasts has no owls

September 28, 2016 18:45:04 Posted at September 28, 2016 18:45:04
Sarah Posted by Sarah

But it does have a really cool golden bird. A new trailer for Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them has come out and this one gives a better look at Newt Scamander’s many fantastic beasts, among them, a golden bird that is maybe a thunderbird. There are, however, no owls. Am very disappointed as I got a great grey owl as my Patronus which is awesome because I f*cking love owls, those majestic, vicious little murder beasts. There’s also some kind of horse-dragon suckface monster—if anyone knows what that is supposed to be, hit me up. I want one.

I’m still all over this movie and very into the look—the magic looks so smooth and wonderful, as performed by fully adult wizards and not bumbling children who have to shout their spells at the top of their lungs and hope that does the trick. And I REALLY love how Colin Farrell looks. In general, yes of course, but specifically as the bad guy in this movie. Super into that undercut. We also get a glimpse of Ezra Miller as his lackey who looks like his suit is too tight. And there’s a hint that Grindelwald is the new franchise villain?

The only thing I’m not really feeling is the magic politics stuff. Don’t care don’t care don’t care. The Star Wars prequels made the mistake of thinking we wanted to know all about trade deals, and I really hope Fantastic Beasts isn’t expecting anyone to give a f*ck about a magic election. Sometimes fantasy writers, when stretching their universe beyond its original boundaries, think that means explaining the nitty gritty functions of that universe, but it really doesn’t. All you need is a consistent set of rules for how your universe works and we can fill in the rest as characters behave in accordance with those rules. I don’t actually need to know how American wizards are electing their leaders, just that they have one.

In the past I’ve picked on the DC movies for blowing up their budgets and spending so much making the movie it’s impossible for them to be profitable by anything other than press release standards, which is an ongoing issue. Lest you think that’s just a DC vs. Marvel thing, don’t worry. I’ve heard the exact same complaints about Fantastic Beasts.

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