Pan is an acid-fueled nightmare

May 22, 2015 17:02:56 Posted at May 22, 2015 17:02:56
Sarah Posted by Sarah
TJDH Imagez/ Splash News

A new trailer for the Peter Pan prequel no one asked for, Pan, is out and goddamn this movie looks terrible. After the first trailer, Lainey had some concerns, beginning with Hugh Jackman’s wig line. We now have much bigger problems than that, beginning with—when in the hell did Peter Pan become a special snowflake of destiny? Peter Pan is a twat. He’s a nasty little boy who ruins the lives of everyone he encounters. The only way to escape Peter’s wake of destruction is to never go back to Neverland. If you stay there with him, he’s like to forget about you, possibly leaving you to die (which is what happens to Tinkerbell—Peter forgets about her AND SHE DIES). So I’m left wondering if anyone involved with Pan has actually read JM Barrie’s book, because special snowflake Peter, destined to be a hero, is not the Peter Pan Barrie created. Even the Disney version of Peter is kind of a jerk.

But Hugh Jackman is still a problem. It’s not the wig that’s bugging me, it’s the crazy overacting. And what the hell is Garrett Hedlund’s voice? Everything is so hammy and over the top, except, weirdly, Rooney Mara as Tiger Lily. She looks like she gets dressed in the craft section of a yarn store, which is okay I guess—it’s better than trying to put Mara in traditional Native dress—but she really sticks out because she’s the only one not cranked to eleven. I’m not into this at all, but I suppose I’m not really supposed to be. Pan has For Children written all over it. Unfortunately I don’t think that will matter with Pixar already getting glowing reviews for Inside Out and a Minions movie on tap this summer, too. Pan looks destined to be an also-ran, if not an outright flop.

Attached – Hugh Jackman shooting a commercial in a tux in New York yesterday.

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