George Clooney & the Freebie Five

October 4, 2006 12:00:00 Posted at October 4, 2006 12:00:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey
Finally…right? You know what did me in? There is one photo in the new issue of Vanity Fair (out Wednesday in NYC and LA, next week everywhere else), page 344, I would put it up here but I"d get the Chinese sued outta me so wait 24 hours for the scans, but I"m telling you, it"s killer. The whole spread is killer - Old Hollywood theme, posing with Gemma Ward, in this particular photo he"s shot in black & white, wearing a white shirt, tuxedo pants, sitting on the floor, leaning back against a door, hand resting on a raised knee, looking off to the side at Gemma, the sun is lighting up half of his face, his expression is flirty and wistful and even a little tired all at once… PURE LOIN QUIVERATION. George for the Freebie 5? Yes, yes, yes!!! As for the article…my husband"s words: "the writer popped a c*ckstand". Gushing praise for Hollywood"s coolest cat, and deservedly so…because really, when you think about it, who doesn"t want to be friends with George, though the comparison to Atticus Finch might have been just a *tad* overboard. You’ve no doubt read the more popular excerpts: his prediction that Cate Blanchett will win an Oscar, his mancrush on Clive Owen, his admiration for Johnny Depp. And then there are my favourites: his revelation that prior to the Oscar, Tim Robbins told him "If you win, you have to say *Impeach Bush* and Clooney"s declaration that The Big Lebowski "is the funniest stoner movie - that and Dazed and Confused", which only made me think of Matthew McConaughey, who wants so badly to be George and never will be. As George has himself articulated, there is something to be said for success late in life. He was obscure through his 20s, he was a MAN when he found fame, it"s made a huge impact on his star, on his legacy, just goes to show you - youth is not necessarily COOL. Hello George, Goodbye Edward Norton, Goodbye Colin Farrell, Hello Borat. Yep, I totally would for Borat. Oh - and while we"re on the subject of George…clearly George has a type. Clearly it ain"t Renee Zellweger although I did enjoy the farfetched speculation last week that they were canoodling somewhere…hmmmm, wonder if her publicist had anything to do with that one, especially since she"s been so vehemently disputing recent allegations of bad behaviour, a little touch of the Golden George wouldn"t hurt... but then again, publicists *never* do that, right? But enough about lemons…we were talking about George and the George kind of girl: brunette, name not essential, usually some sort of skin and boobs model, like Lisa Snowden and Krista Allen before her, this one wears a tight black dress and holds up signs on a game show called Deal or No Deal…need I say more??? It"s, like, the one knock on Clooney, you know? I mean, I"m not saying he has to marry the Princess of Monaco or anything and yes, even those who breathe rarified air have to come down from the mountain to eat at McDonald"s once in a while, and no, and it never lasts longer than it should but still, they"re just so … common, as my Gwynnie would say… so soap opera, and George is celluloid, deserving of at least a supermodel, if not his own version of Annette Bening, though I suppose in the grand scheme of things, most of you prefer him single, not serious about anyone, and yet I don"t want George to be Jack, I don"t want to see George in 20 years with Nicole Richie - the Lara Flynn Boyle of the future - sitting courtside at a Laker game leering at dancers. Then again, maybe it"s just me. Maybe the Blender beauties are best for George. Maybe we don"t want him to do better. But wouldn"t it be nice to see him save Nicole Kidman from herself? Just asking…
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