Granny Contradictory

October 7, 2008 06:21:00 Posted at October 7, 2008 06:21:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Nicole Kidman was honoured last night at the Women in Hollywood Tribute hosted by Elle Magazine. As you can see, Gran’s face is as frozen as ever. Seriously, that forehead is smoother and tighter than a porcelain toilet.

Having said that, I do like Granny much better with straight hair. It’s definitely more youthful, even if she’s letting the roots gray out. Maybe it’s grandma’s way of “keeping it real”.

Nicole was apparently presented her award by Shirley MacLaine…which for reasons perhaps too obscure is f&cking hilarious to me. And Sasha too.

At the tail end of TIFF in September, Shirley came to Toronto to promote something. I think it was her new book. Sasha was assigned to produce the shoot but she had to spear it because all eTalk hosts were required elsewhere. I was looking a the production schedule trying to see if I could squeeze in the interview and right there, in bold, a note for Dylan who was working the camera that night:

PLEASE BRING PRO FILTER LENS
.

Shirley Maclaine had to be shot with a soft focus. It was an order. Shirley actually stopped a press conference the following week midway through when she realised some of the videos were not using the blur filter.

Come on… that’s f&cking amazing.

Sasha was terrified. I didn’t blame her. As potentially hilarious as it could be, this is also a woman who’s into aliens and sh*t.

As expected, the interview was a disaster. She hated Sasha on sight. Of course she did. Sasha is young, she’s ridiculously attractive, and she’s not down with extraterrestrials. We texted afterwards:

Me: How was it? Are your limbs intact?
Sasha: OMG. She raped me. She raped every f&cking orifice. Worst interview of my life. She eats CRAZY bitches!

It’s how I picture Nicole will be at that age. Once the Botox stops working, once everything starts to fall – she’ll be demanding filter lenses and making love to Martians. Trust.

Photos from Wenn.com and Splashnewsonline.com