November 6, 2015 – Smutty Shout-Outs
Angela Weiss/ Getty Images
For Amy from Nick - Happy 26th Birthday! Look what happened last night, just in time for your shout-out. New pictures of Mark Ruffalo and I dedicate them to you. Here’s a quick blind because I know you hate him: who was living in a hotel, away from his wife and kids, for a while with a sketchy lady coming in and out at all hours, delivering his drugs?
“Happy birthday to our amazing Austrian (and kind of terrible Canadian), Lucia. We know that this year wasn't without its trials - there was the heartbreak of the 1D hiatus, getting punched by a random homeless guy, a neverending bike ride of doom, your weird ability to attract Germans wherever you go, and what Matt said about pumpkin spice lattes. Truly, you have suffered.
Until a (preferably young, sexy) timelord comes to whisk you over here in a TARDIS, we hope your memories of your first trip to Ontario and another trip to the US tide you over. You've spent the last year taking the world by storm - landing on national television in the front row, using your Pied Piper abilities to charm even the most curmudgeonly of dogs, endangering your phone to get daring pictures in NYC, taking down misogynist assholes one Twitter war at a time, spreading the word about corn on pizza to North America, seeing 1D and ZAAAAYYYNNNN, and getting the stink eye from Draco Malfoy. Oh yeah, and you charmed a certain devastatingly handsome Englishman into posing with you on the red carpet! That for sure makes up for the CN Tower being a major disappointment (*salute*), right? As the Doctor says, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but the bad things don’t necessarily spoil the good things, or make them unimportant.
We know that you're very busy finishing your full conversion to crazy cat lady now that Gerald's away, but we also know that this new year's going to be amazing. Adele's back, you'll be seeing Hozier's man-bun in person, and you've finally learned what pie is. So to help herald in your new year and add to your pile of good things, here are Trolly Styles looking extra hipster-y, Nikolaj, the only thing better than regular Idris Elba (Idris Elba + booze), and the picture that'll run beside your engagement announcement. "