An Open Mouth Birthday
She’s 30 today, my friend Laura.
Laura cockblocked me from James Franco at Sundance. Laura almost bitchslapped Sienna Miller at Burger King. Laura refused to let me wear an amazingly ridiculous headwrap to interview Tony Leung at TIFF two years ago. Laura was with me in Cannes when Mischa Barton broke my arm. Laura also nursed me in a decrepit stinky hospital for 3 days after surgery, feeding me papaya, boiling my hot water, putting my clothes on, taking me to get my hair washed, and supervising a hungover Dylan while he changed the dressing on my stitches.
Laura is one of the kindest yet caustic bitches I know. This is why I love her so. Except when it comes to Robert Pattinson. Laura’s Freebie 5 only has one name.
And I don’t think she’s quite forgiven me for making her leave the Du Cap terrace that night in May during the Cannes Film Festival when she spent the evening staring at him while Mio and I discussed subjects of great importance, like body odour and why he dates needy girls. You would have left too if you were forced to listen to Emile Hirsch honour you with his awesome opinion on everything. Click here to read my account of the evening and here to read Laura’s lust haze description of the same encounter.
On this day, at the start of what she likes to call her “dirty 30s”, please open your mouth and pose like Pattinson for Laura.
Happy Birthday Laura!
PS. She’s the one in the middle.
File photos from Wenn.com