Orlando & Claire: Three Whiskers & The Homewrecker
Page Six reported today that Orlando Bloom couldn"t keep his three pretty boy whiskers off of Claire Danes the other night at the Raisa Gorbachev Foundation event. And while I cannot confirm or deny the validity of the report, it"s not like Orly isn"t a perfect candidate for Claire and her deviant habit of stealing peoples" boyfriends so I suppose it"s entirely plausible. However, before y"all start feeling sorry for Kate Bosworth (which you shouldn"t) and worrying that she"ll get even thinner (is that possible?) from the heartbreak, please note that in the last 12- 18 months, Orlando has been linked with everyone from Sienna Miller to Kiki Dunst to the aforementioned Vanessa Minnillo - almost always when he has a movie coming out. And wouldn"t you know it, Pirates drops in one short month - an auspicious time to get himself in the news, wouldn"t you say? Besides, in my opinion, Orlando Bloom is firmly planted on the Maybe Gaybe List. Something about sharing a flat in London with a longtime beau - one of those frequent tales I always hear that never gets confirmed but that just strikes a sensibly smutty chord, you know? Come on, be honest, do you really think Orlando Bloom could satisfy a woman? A real woman and not a 15 year old girl? Do you really think he could smash her headboard and leave her trembling with pleasure in the aftermath of his real manly man lovemaking? Nah. Didn"t think so. This boy"s got "after sex tears" written all over him. Next. Please.