February 11, 2013 -- Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 11, 2013 12:58:17 February 11, 2013 12:58:17

Heidi! Happy Belated Birthday from Kirsten and Ivy! To Dave from Steph -- Happy Birthday! In your honour, I’m supposed to post anything sports-related. Anything? For some reason, all that came to mind was Roy trash-talking Roenick in return. And for Tiffany who’s giving me up for Lent . Full Story

Friday, February 8, 2013

Dear Gossips,

Bookending the intro today with giveaways -- up first, if you’re in Vancouver and you want to go to the Canucks game tomorrow night (Saturday February 9) vs the Calgary Flames, I’ve a pair of tickets (2 seats) available. Email [email protected] with the subject title CANUCKS by Noon PT to enter random draw. Good luck!

Might be a short column today because... it’s Chinese New Year on Sunday! I have to start cleaning and clearing. This is Chinese custom in preparation for the New Year: throw out your old sh-t, get rid of the clutter, wipe everything down, launder your clothes, sweep away the Year of the Dragon to welcome the Year of the Snake. Remember, Good Luck Avoids A Mess. So you’re washing today and Saturday, but definitely not on Sunday when the Snake arrives. Not even your hair if you can help it. Otherwise, you’re pushing out your New Year luck.

As we do every year here, my ma, the Chinese Squawking Chicken, has a few suggestions for those born under certain signs. Not all signs have been included but she’s highlighting the ones below because, for whatever reason, there are things you need to look out for. Here’s how she sees it: no one needs to be ready for good news, but everyone appreciates a heads up on what to avoid. Instead of being alarmed then, take the opportunity to be vigilant. As I’ve said, per my ma, over and over on this blog, sometimes good luck is harnessed by how you manage your bad luck in the preceding years. Some years your luck will allow you to be aggressive. Other years your luck will need to be conserved. Click here to find your sign.

We are entering the Year of the Snake. Snakes, Goats, and Pigs may encounter some challenges this year. The Chinese Squawking Chicken advises caution. And, in particular, avoid hospitals and funerals if you can help it. Obviously if it’s a relative, you don’t have a choice. But those who are living through low luck years are especially vulnerable in those environments. Again, do not be afraid. You cannot expect to have good luck year after year forever. But you can increase the benefits of good luck when it comes in the way that you deal handle your bad luck. If you safeguard smartly, put your head down and brace through it, when it passes it’ll open up channels for good luck to break through.

Unfortunately no one will have it worse during the Year of the Snake than the Tiger. The Snake is the opposing sign of the Tiger. My ma is a Tiger. She urges other Tigers to make health a priority. There’s a saying in Chinese that goes like this: 3 celebrations can fight a disaster.

Tigers may benefit this year from “happy celebrations”: a wedding in the family, a baby too, a big birthday party, an anniversary party. This is why I got married in 2001, the last time it was the Year of the Snake. It helped my ma block or at least minimise the effects of whatever was coming for her.

Dragons have been in this position the last couple of years. It was a sh-t streak. Good news for you Dragons -- it’ll turn around now.

And finally, for Rabbits, an optimistic outlook for you too...but be careful. Good luck comes in different forms. Good luck can be solid and loyal. But good luck can also be fleeting and easily distracted. Rabbits will be lucky this year but the luck is fragile. You will be susceptible to “luck stealers”. Luck can most easily be “stolen” around sickness -- in hospitals, at funerals. Like the others above, Rabbits too should, if possible, stay away from those environments. Protect Your Luck. Luck has a long memory. If it remembers that you didn’t take care of it before, it may not be so willing to come back.

As she has every year, the Squawking Chicken has prepared a few lucky charm pockets. Since Snakes, Goats, Pigs, and Tigers may have it the roughest this year, we have 10 to give away to those born under those signs. If you would like to enter the random draw, please email [email protected] with the subject title YEAR OF THE SNAKE.

Happy New Year and GOOD LUCK TO ALL!

Yours in gossip,


Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 8, 2013 20:22:28 February 8, 2013 20:22:28

Duana name-nerds Xavier Lafayette Memphis and Sasha finds shirt dresses in LifeStyle

Do you get the sense that this is happening because they all want to do a reality tv show together? (Dlisted)

Emma Watson feels terrible for Kristen Stewart (Too Fab)

The Lohans and Octomom will be living similar lives soon (The Superficial)

Hilary Duff wears white jeans (Just Jared)

Does she remind you of Vanessa Marcil? (Hollywood Tuna)

You think Drew Barrymore wears her own makeup at NY Fashion Week? (Pop Sugar)

Kristen Stewart and Jim Sturgess are doing a movie together. Twi-Hards now hate Jim Sturgess. (Cele|bitchy)

Well, if I were Amanda Bynes, I’d just turn myself in now. Because you know they’re coming for her now (The Blemish)

The sexualisation of Breakfast -- first Colin Farrell, now Prince (Evil Beet Gossip)

They’re right. Jenna Elfman appears to be auditioning to be a Fanning (Go Fug Yourself)


Pippy & Shelfy Twi-Harding PTA

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 8, 2013 19:12:20 February 8, 2013 19:12:20
Amy Graves/ Getty

Check this out -- Justin Timberlake hosted an art exhibit last night with Amy Adams showing the work of her partner Darren Le Gallo. JT’s wife was there too and together they had their moment with Paul Thomas Anderson who, of course, directed Adams recently in The Master, for which she received yet another Best Supporting Actress Oscar nomination. Full Story

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The “Lost” Diaries

Duana Posted by Duana at February 8, 2013 18:44:44 February 8, 2013 18:44:44
Craig Barritt/ Robin Marchant/ Neilson Barnard/ Christopher Polk/ Getty

The Vampire Diaries Season 4 Episode 13 recap Not only was I not the only one who was thinking it, I have to believe it was where the whole idea came from, right? “Guys, how are we going to do this whole ‘nobody trusts anyone’ thing this week?” “Dump ‘em on a beach! Somerhalder on a beach! It’s flashbacks right there! I miss LOST!” It is indeed flashbacks, though Damon is way more interesting to watch than Boone, even when he’s doing nothing. Full Story

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Dr. Blossom will see you now

Maria Posted by Maria at February 8, 2013 17:23:51 February 8, 2013 17:23:51

You know what my favorite part of the 30 Rock finale was? Liz Lemon getting cyber-yelled at about bike helmets, because a mom forum could put even the most rabid Twi-Hards to shame with the ranting and raging; to know this Tina must have seen for herself how intense they get. Moms can get a touch defensive (as in rip your head off) about parenting styles. Full Story

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How will Beyonce take over the Grammys?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 8, 2013 16:49:09 February 8, 2013 16:49:09
Wenn, VLUV / Ajax/ Splash

Will she? B’s been criticised this week for stealing all the lights at the Super Bowl and not being Madonna enough or being too into herself or showing off too much skin or cockblocking the girls of Destiny’s Child and, of course, not wanting to look ugly so... I mean... She could decide to turn down her Beyonce for the Grammys on Sunday. Full Story

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This is Troy Dyer now

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 8, 2013 16:13:38 February 8, 2013 16:13:38

Ethan Hawke. At the premiere of Clive in New York. He directs and stars in the play. The play is not about Billy Idol. Ethan Hawke used to be my jam. It was that movie, right? That f-cking movie. When, at 21, you don’t know any better. That was before the sh-tty erotica. Some crushes though, they leave a stain. Full Story

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February 8, 2013 -- Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 8, 2013 15:44:35 February 8, 2013 15:44:35

Jackie! Happy Birthday AND Happy 1st Wedding Anniversary! Nel would love to celebrate with you but... you know... you’re in Sydney. Wait. Does that mean it’s already the weekend now? I’m sorry I’m late. But I’m making up for it with Gilbert Blythe (HOW ANGRY ARE YOU ABOUT THE NEW ANNE COVER!?) and Ryan Gosling in Breaker High. Full Story

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Dear Gossips,

Halfway through American Idol last night Jacek turned to me and declared: “I think Nicki Minaj might have just made my Five List.” It was indeed her strongest episode. And her feedback feels genuine and raw, without the blatant intent to shock that has become Simon Cowell’s signature.  Read Full Intro