Season’s Greetings from The Chosen One

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 28, 2010 10:48:32 December 28, 2010 10:48:32

Like I said in the open, every time I’m offline for a day or two, or hop on a plane for a long haul flight, I live in fear of missing a big story, the biggest story being that the Brange will implode. It’s the Hollywood equivalent of a stock market crash, or a government collapse. It would usher in a new celebrity world order in the aftermath of great upheaval. Full Story

She’s not allowed to have friends

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 28, 2010 10:26:00 December 28, 2010 10:26:00

I’ve been meaning to gather the Best Twi-Hard Hatemail of 2010 for a year-end post but last night my laptop decided to be a bitch and die after I plugged it into the tv. The motherf-cker isn’t even 6 months old. Jacek has been trying to recover my data all night. So I have no access to my inbox, just webmail (accessing only emails over the last 24 hours), and I’m using his laptop which was my previous laptop. Full Story

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Natalie Portman will be pregnant at the Oscars

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 28, 2010 08:52:00 December 28, 2010 08:52:00

Natalie Portman confirmed this weekend that she and choreographer/dancer Benjamin Millepied are expecting and engaged. Portman is considered a lock for a Best Actress Oscar nomination. And she’s been workin’ it a lot more than Annette Bening too. Perhaps a baby will be enough to overcome No Strings Attached, her upcoming January release with Ashton Kutcher. Full Story

Skinny doesn’t cure stupid

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 28, 2010 08:15:26 December 28, 2010 08:15:26

Kelly Osbourne has spent the last several months telling us how much happier she is now that she’s skinny. Well now there’s a great message. Unfortunately, thinness in this case, and in most cases, doesn’t necessarily lead to enlightenment. And slender Kelly seems to be as stupid as not-slender Kelly, especially as it relates to matters of the heart. Full Story

Ryan Gosling: home for the holidays

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 28, 2010 07:29:08 December 28, 2010 07:29:08

Thanks to Jackie for sending along this photo of Ryan Gosling taken this weekend at a Best Buy in Burlington, Ontario. He came home for the holiday. He actually comes home more than you think. He’s just stealth about his movements and savvy enough to stay off the pap radar at LAX. It’s possible. Full Story

Daniel & Rachel’s funky timeline

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 28, 2010 07:08:16 December 28, 2010 07:08:16

After several weeks of speculations, we know now that TMZ was right. When they broke news that Rachel Weisz and Darren Aronofsky were splitting, they also very subtly suggested that Daniel Craig was behind it: “…sources tell TMZ Rachel has been linked to "James Bond" star Daniel Craig for months. Full Story

December 28, 2010 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 28, 2010 06:55:37 December 28, 2010 06:55:37

To the lovely Dibbs, Mo and La are deeply sorry they couldn’t be there to see you turn 30 at the Fond-Luck Fiesta. Hope you had a fantastic birthday! Much love and big hugs! XOXO (Attached as requested: photos of “classic” Joaquin Phoenix before the world found out he’s a dickhead. Full Story

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Friday, December 24, 2010

Dear Gossips,

If you open up a gift tomorrow and it sucks and you think you can win the gift suck-off, consider how it stacks up to what my mother gave me 3 years ago: eyedrops from Costco. So she went to Costco for toilet paper. And while there spotted my favourite brand of eyedrops. And as an afterthought threw a box of them in the cart. In other words, her present sucked on multiple levels. First, obviously, eyedrops. And second, you can’t even say it’s the thought that counts. There was no thought. There was only eyedrops that came after toilet paper.

This year my ma the Squawking Chicken is in Hong Kong terrorising the good folks over there. We’ll be in Vancouver while our nephews Oliver and Noah, 12 and 10, make us Christmas brunch. They offered. It’ll be quesadillas. Because this is what they learned in cooking class at school. Please. What’s Christmas without a Christmas quesadilla when the children work to prepare it and you don’t have to lift a finger?

Wishing all of you Happy Holidays, Happy Christmas, Happy Everything!

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. Blog will resume regular schedule on Tuesday, December 28.

Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 24, 2010 10:56:16 December 24, 2010 10:56:16

Zac Efron parts with his precious locks (Dlisted)

Dimensionally defying ass... for Christmas (The Superficial)

What. The. F-CK did they do to Kate Middleton’s face?!? (Popeater)

Eliza Dushku should be more famous (Hollywood Tuna)

Britney’s quick trip to NYC before Christmas (Pop Sugar)

JLo looks great in these jeans (Just Jared)

Courteney Cox’s Christmas man replacement (Cele|bitchy)

Anna Paquin’s pre-Christmas jog (Moe Jackson)

Miley as a pink debutante (Drunken Stepfather site NSFW)

Lady Gaga doesn’t wear pants but gives back A LOT (Celebuzz)

You’re allowed to drive for Christmas

Lainey Posted by Lainey at December 24, 2010 08:27:56 December 24, 2010 08:27:56

With a chaperone. At least that looks like a chaperone. With Katie Holmes. Yesterday leaving the gym. The photo agencies are calling her companion a “friend”, but you know, where Xenu is concerned, only “approved” friends are allowed. So this friend must be Church-friendly, and can you really call that a real friend? Well, small victories, I suppose. Full Story

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