Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Dear Gossips,

Dress Porn. The Costume Institute Gala is Dress Porn. The best Dress Porn of the year. Dress Porn, like any porn, can be super high end, tasteful, edgy, award-winning sh-t. Dress Porn can also be on the ghetto side, dirty in its own way, and entertaining too, sometimes even more so.  Read Full Intro

Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 4, 2010 13:51:35 May 4, 2010 13:51:35

When a philanderer becomes the victim… (The Superficial)

Ummm… Justin Bieber was edumacated in Canada, right? (Dlisted)

Sandy just OWNED Angie Jolie (Popeater)

Is this what Housewives do? Go to the beach every f-cking day? (Hollywood Tuna)

Chris Pine and… Elizabeth Banks? (Just Jared)

Oh lawd Jason Stackhouse, I missed you (Pop Sugar)

Mimi’s new big finger sucker (The Blemish)

I’d run naked if I had her body. For reals. (Drunken Stepfather site NSFW)

Leo D’s girlfriend cups a rainbow (Popoholic)

January Jones: Poison Ivy? (Go Fug Yourself)

MET Worst: Blake Lively

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 4, 2010 13:47:37 May 4, 2010 13:47:37

We get it. Your body is sick. You have legs for miles. We get it. Every f-cking week on Gossip Girl we get it. Your tits. Your ass. Your mumble mouth when you talk. So would a little subtlety hurt, just once? Why not try a different gear at the Met Gala? Of course not. Harvey is a powerful producer. Full Story

View All 9 Photos

MET Best: Chloe Sevigny

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 4, 2010 13:33:07 May 4, 2010 13:33:07

The dress. For the person. It’s exquisite. Yes she needs darker lipstick, but it’s a very small detail in so much that was spectacularly right. And again bitches, we’re not dressing YOU. We’re dressing Chloe Sevigny at the Met Gala in Proenza Schouler with some cheeky Mormon hair, and a high collar, and green see through lace with an exposed bra, the most beautiful back, and weird chunky funk shoes. Full Story

View All 8 Photos

The Girls Club without Kate B

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 4, 2010 13:17:06 May 4, 2010 13:17:06

I don’t know where my Gwyneth went. Her name was onthe committee list. Same goes for Cameron Diaz. And both were in New York at the weekend. Some say Gwyneth snuck inside and bypassed the carpet. I can’t see this. Not because she’s not a snotty bitch, but because she would have wanted to give exposure to whoever designed her dress. Full Story

View All 15 Photos

MET Jessicas: Alba & Biel

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 4, 2010 12:38:36 May 4, 2010 12:38:36

Same career, same prospects, pretty much the same dress. Sure they might be different shades, and there’s a neckline variety here and there but really, between the cut and the material, and who they are, there’s nothing that distinguishes the Jessicas Alba and Biel. It’s literally a wash. Full Story

View All 16 Photos

MET Jumpy Claps: Sienna & Jude

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 4, 2010 12:10:50 May 4, 2010 12:10:50

I’m the loser who jumpy clapped when the photos started uploading. Of Sienna Miller arriving with Jude Law arm in arm at the Met Gala 5 years after calling off their nuptials post NannyGate. They’ve been dodging it for months. Even though it was established, even though there was no question, Sienna and Jude refused to walk down the street together, refused to talk about each other, refused to throw their relationship back into the public discussion. Full Story

View All 8 Photos

MET Young Steezy: Kristen Stewart

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 4, 2010 11:56:45 May 4, 2010 11:56:45

Very controversial. The FUG Girls probably detest it. Most of you probably can’t stand it. Even a few Twi-Hards have emailed already today to say they hated it. Me? I liked the effort very much. I will take this over this (click here Full Story

MET Best Hair: SJP

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 4, 2010 11:36:15 May 4, 2010 11:36:15

She does a hair flower better than anyone else. I want to do a hair flower one day. But mine is so slippery the flower wouldn’t stay. And I’d keep cocking my head to one said and my neck would crick. Fashion, so often, is about suffering. It really really is. Sarah Jessica Parker wore Halston because, like, she “designs” for the line now. Full Story

View All 9 Photos

MET Pain: Renee Zellweger

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 4, 2010 11:21:36 May 4, 2010 11:21:36

Does that hurt? Because it looks like it hurts. To be her. It looks like it hurts a lot to be Renee Zellweger. Some stars, you see them, you feel comfortable, at ease, very relaxed. Other stars, like Renee, as soon as the photo comes up you cringe, there’s an ache in your back, you automatically adjust, maybe rub out a shoulder. Full Story

View All 9 Photos

MET Perfection: Gisele & Tom

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 4, 2010 10:58:55 May 4, 2010 10:58:55

You have to see them in person. It’s CRAZY. The double gorgessity is CRAZY. Having seen them live before, at this event, pre-engagement and babies and loving it up hardcore, I know what it must have been like last night. They are ridiculous. I once walked by a colleague who was flipping through a magazine from the Met Gala in 2008 and of course there was a huge section of the page devoted to Gisele in that pale Versace with Tom on the steps (click here for a refresher Full Story

View All 14 Photos