November 25, 2009 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 25, 2009 06:44:55 November 25, 2009 06:44:55

Kickette knows I quiver for Iker Casillas. Thanks for the video, V. It really did help with my tooth pain. He is delicious even with that business on his face. Can you imagine if he’d just shave? Happy 38th Birthday Angela the gourmand, the mother of four including twin boys, and a big fan of Sue Sylvester. Full Story

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Dear Gossips,

Forgot to write about Joseph Gordon-Levitt on Saturday Night Live yesterday. Was so excited to watch him, thought he’d be great. The open monologue sing and dance was great. He was adorably enthusiastic. The sketches were rather limp but not the worst ever (loved Say Anything) and certainly not as horribly awkward as January Jones.  Read Full Intro

What’s red and swirly and douchy all over?

Jacek Posted by Jacek at November 24, 2009 15:55:00 November 24, 2009 15:55:00

Lainey’s teeth must be in some bad shape cause I still haven’t heard from her and it’s been almost two hours. Ouch. So here’s a little something for you. I couldn’t resist. Check out Stallone in his Ford Douchstang today in Beverly Hills. I had to do a double-take and read the credits twice to make sure he wasn’t filming a sequel to A Night at the Roxbury. Full Story

Microphone embellishment

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 24, 2009 13:30:42 November 24, 2009 13:30:42

Rihanna performed on Good Morning America today. What do you call that? A mic stand? Let’s go with mic stand. This mic stand is badass. I love it. I love the initial. I love the knuckle loops at the end. I want one. I want to walk around with one. Just swinging it around. For no reason. A civilian of course could never get away with walking around with a tricked out mic stand. Full Story

When Pee met Spittle

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 24, 2009 12:40:36 November 24, 2009 12:40:36

John Mayer covers the new Details. Don’t ask me to summarise the article for you. Just know that he uses a lot of big word and puts them into abstract thoughts and jerks off to the sound of his own voice and the profundity of his purely original thoughts. Looking at John Mayer is stressful for me. Full Story

Jizz Wolf and the Gay

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 24, 2009 11:20:00 November 24, 2009 11:20:00

I don’t watch American Idol. So my knowledge of Adam Lambert is mainly from skimming articles. I do know that Lambert, an adult, closed the American Music Awards on Sunday and writhed about not unlike the way Chicken Fried Britney and underageJailBait Miley have done in their own shows. Performance Art. Full Story

Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 24, 2009 11:02:00 November 24, 2009 11:02:00

Lainey brushes for 15 minutes per session. Flosses regularly. Boasted about having perfect teeth. Nope. Meanwhile I have a clean sheet the last few visits and my dental habits are shameful. Life isn’t fair sometimes. Anyway…stepping in for Tingles to ease the load. Lainey will resume after that. Enjoy. Jacek

Nude retirees. Opposite of what you just imagined (The Superficial)

Ladies…some of you DO need make-up. LOTS of it (Dlisted)

Least believable sex tape ‘leak’ ever (Hollywood Tuna)

OMG Robsten landed together! They f-cked on the plane for sure (Just Jared)

Lautner in Rolling Stone wet t-shirt shoot. Is this dude really that hot? I don’t get it (Pop Sugar)

Ebola’s ass saying “stay the f-ck away” unintentionally (Drunken Stepfather site NSFW)

KK’s strong pitch for Queen of Famewhores crown. Is this necessary? (The Blemish)

Top (or bottom) 10 uses of dead celebrities as pitch people (Popeater)

Blake Legly on Fallon (Popoholic)

Dude has NOTHING on Gaga (Go Fug Yourself)

Gabby so popular

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 24, 2009 10:05:00 November 24, 2009 10:05:00

Because everyone loves her. Because she’s so charming. Gabourey Sidibe, the star of Precious, hit up the Me & Orson Welles afterparty last night and chatted up LipGloss Zac Efron, some Hills twats, and even the incomparable Joan Collin who seemed rather taken with her Full Story

Selling to the hoarders

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 24, 2009 08:35:26 November 24, 2009 08:35:26

My friend Laura, the one with the Robert Pattinson problem, she also has a major fixation on hoarders. It’s her favourite episode of Oprah. I’ve never seen it but I feel like I have because Laura tells me about it all the time. She’s obsessed. Indeed it is fascinating how people are addicted to accumulating. Full Story

GMD: big gun, big heels?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 24, 2009 08:14:53 November 24, 2009 08:14:53

That little Midgey, he’s in his element, isn’t he? Running around Europe shooting action sequences involving daredevil feats and manly man stunts, pointing a gun, clenching his jaw, delivering the most intense oneliner as if his life depended on it, followed by a toothy insane cackle… Just wanted to attach this again in case some of you missed it. Full Story

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JailBait dropped the line

Lainey Posted by Lainey at November 24, 2009 07:48:18 November 24, 2009 07:48:18

Few celebrity offences are more offensive than That Line. You know That Line. When they drop That Line it’s like a spotlight on the soul. Using that line implies conceit, unearned entitlement, arrogance, and disrespect. Users of that line believe they are better than the recipient, that the recipient should be more deferential, that the recipient should consider himself blessed to be in the user’s presence. Full Story