Friday, August 14, 2009

Dear Gossips,

Went out for dinner with the girls last night. After several martinis we started composing celebrity haikus. After that we switched to a bawdy game of Would You Rather sex with some of the most disgusting people we know. Somewhere along the way the bartender became the hottest guy ever. But Laura would not oblige us and make it happen. The evening ended with 3 of us ganging up on her because she wouldn’t pick Ryan Gosling. More on this later, as well as the haikus.

So this is why I’m up late and the column is behind. Too many vodka doubles.

It’s Friday – am online all day, late articles were posted yesterday, scroll down to get caught up and to look at Posh’s weird nasty face.

Have a great weekend!

Lara’s getting married!

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

Hot Friday Hot Harry

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 14, 2009 16:03:11 August 14, 2009 16:03:11

It is so f-cking hot here in Toronto. And this is Hot Harry on a Horse not on a horse at a wedding in London with his brother and also Kate Middleton. I was married on a Friday. My mother consulted a feng shui master for the date. And that Friday was deemed a fortuitous day according to our birthdays and birth times. Full Story

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Autotune Aniston

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 14, 2009 14:17:58 August 14, 2009 14:17:58

Oh she wants it bad. Last week I posted this article about Jennifer Aniston’s new role in Goree Girls, the true story about a female inmate country band from the 40s, questioning whether she’ll be willing to get ugly for Oscar. Full Story

Robo sells at Maxfield?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 14, 2009 11:24:49 August 14, 2009 11:24:49

…the f-ck??? For those who’ve never been to Maxfield in West Hollywood… Super ultra luxe. Like crazy crazy luxe. I once became obsessed with a Rick Owens jacket there and Jacek told me I could jump up his ass because it would have meant not making our car payments for 6 months. Maxfield is a store filled with beautiful things. Full Story

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Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 14, 2009 10:26:50 August 14, 2009 10:26:50

The search for John Mayer’s pissing protégé (Dlisted)

This is what happens when dumb people make other dump people famous (The Superficial)

Future Ebola Victim before infection (Just Jared)

Megan Fox: demure clothes can’t wash her skank (Hollywood Tuna)

Kellan Lutz loves it when you look at his big pipes (Pop Sugar)

More hot daddy handholding (INO)

Nothing classier than gel nails covering a nipple (Drunken Stepfather site NSFW)

Probably bullsh-t but Porny has a new QB (Cele|bitchy)

Lilo can’t apply her own self tanner (Popeater)

Ebola to contaminate airwaves again. And your kids' iPhones (The Blemish)

I don’t want to see you in these pants

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 14, 2009 08:22:57 August 14, 2009 08:22:57

He’s RDJ. In London. He can get away with the purse. But the pants… I never want to see these pants on a man who brings the quiver. Not only because these pants are usually associated with douchebags and thick chains riding around in tricked out Hondas blasting Flo Rida so loud the ground shakes down the entire block but also because these pants, they bulge in weird places, they catch the light from odd angles, they pinch in the wrong corners, and like a pervert your eyes are always drawn to the groin and then you’re trying to make out penis shapes and this is not what I want from my RDJ. Full Story

Another summer, another man

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 14, 2009 08:15:35 August 14, 2009 08:15:35

And this time he’s not married. It’s progress. This is Sienna Miller on family holiday in Ibiza with her new boyfriend DJ George Baker. Last year she was in a bikini with Balthazar Getty further tarnishing her reputation. After a tumultuous on again/off again relationship, Balthy has apparently gone back to his wife and four children while Sienna seems to have moved on, enjoying a career on the upswing with the baffling success of G. Full Story

Saying it’s SO OVER

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 14, 2009 07:52:31 August 14, 2009 07:52:31

Yesterday photos were released of the GMD and Katie mid-argument after she supposedly snapped at him for making her wait, one of the few times the two have been pictured not faking their fake love, prompting many people to declare that IT’S SO OVER! and calling for a divorce watch. Full Story

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Pippy on a big boy bike

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 14, 2009 07:30:43 August 14, 2009 07:30:43

Little Pipsqueak rode a man’s bike yesterday to Café Med after lunch. It’s the red backpack that seals it, non? Brad Pitt could carry this backpack off with an adult swagger. Justin Timberlake rolls around like it’s a Big Wheel Full Story

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August 14, 2009 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at August 14, 2009 07:12:25 August 14, 2009 07:12:25

Happy birthday K!!!! You are the greatest sister I could ever ask for and I am beside myself with excitement for our upcoming shopping trip in NYC (only 13 more sleeps!!). Even though I can't be there in person I hope you have a great day. You Know You Love Me (and I definitely love you!) xoxo N To Matthew and The Fast Romantics Full Story