Friday, June 5, 2009

Dear Gossips,

Quick clarification about S.M.U.T.: it’s in Toronto. June 23. Half the tickets were already reserved yesterday. Thank you for your enthusiastic support! If you want to come, please decide soon! Click here, hit “upcoming events’ and join us for a night of gossip, um, beverages, and last year one of the guests made out with a hot barely dressed male model. Just saying…

So last week after a horrible dream in which my husband was the biggest dick asshole ever, I woke him up by punching him in the arm at 4:30am to let him know I was angry. This is irrational, yes. But they’re so vivid! Like it actually happened, and I was actually really really upset.

Same thing last night. Except in my dream I was on a train sitting across from Hugh Dancy. And he was the sweetest, sexiest man ever. Hugh Dancy is NEVER on my radar…..? Now I’m totally f-cking in love and want to throw him on the Freebie Five. Weird.

It’s Friday. New posts all day – Porny came out to play! So did Shelfy’s crazy ass.

Have a great weekend!

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

Get over your ass

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 5, 2009 14:16:13 June 5, 2009 14:16:13

When Cameron Diaz appeared on Jimmy Fallon during his first week, she and Jimmy had an amazing dance-off at the end of her segment. Of course Shelfy had to come up with her own gimmick last night. She “trained” him. It was lame sh-ts. As always, it comes down to personality. Jessica Biel doesn’t have one. Full Story

Sienna in Spain

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 5, 2009 11:38:54 June 5, 2009 11:38:54

She turned up there today promoting a new fragrance for Hugo Boss called Boss Orange. Looks really pretty, looks very relaxed, and seems to be enjoying being single for a change. Good. But bad too. There are many married men out there. Or maybe Sienna’s tastes have changed. Maybe she’s ready to swing in the opposite direction and skank younger. Full Story

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Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 5, 2009 11:23:02 June 5, 2009 11:23:02

A brilliant dissertation on what Lindsay Lohan could lose (Dlisted)

Johnny Depp: so beautiful in the rain (Just Jared)

Bar Rafaeli covers in short shorts (Hollywood Tuna)

Lilo likes fake titty blondes? (The Superficial)

Kiki eats healthy? Really? (Pop Sugar)

Please put an end to this f-ckery (INO)

Gaga Paparazzi (Drunken Stepfather site NSFW)

The American WAG Guidebook: a great read (Kickette)

Jude Law: sheer and nipple (ASL)

Hollywood’s Hottest Beefcake – vote for Taylor Kitsch! (Popeater)

Eminem on Bruno and Jimmy

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 5, 2009 09:48:53 June 5, 2009 09:48:53

He admitted the entire thing with Bruno at the Movie Awards was staged. Obviously. Which means he knew Sacha would be rubbing his balls in his face. Amazing. But… why the full disclosure? Kind sucked the fun away. Anyway, it appears Eminem has emerged from a dark 3 years with a better sense of humour. Full Story

Meem Cheese Friday

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 5, 2009 08:53:50 June 5, 2009 08:53:50

Just in time for the weekend – a little Mimi to start it off right. And we need her. We so need her. Mimi and her husband showed up at the Fresh Air Fund Salute to American Heroes last night in New York. It was… more of a cocktail affair. Mimi of course decided a white bedazzled ballgown would be appropriate. Full Story

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James bails

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 5, 2009 08:13:56 June 5, 2009 08:13:56

He was supposed to speak at the UCLA College of Letters and Science commencement ceremony on June 12. Remember when it was originally announced, some of the students got all pissy pants and started a petition trying to have him removed because they felt ripped off – what words of wisdom could James Franco possibly pass on? It’s no longer a sticking point. Full Story

How can he get over you…

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 5, 2009 07:39:31 June 5, 2009 07:39:31

When you won’t let him? Drew Barrymore last night hand in hand with Justin Long after a Green Day show. Drew and Justin broke up officially several months ago but then switched on again recently, both insisting that it’s casual with no expectations. For her, that is. It’s textbook. Drew is in between loves. Full Story

GOOPy’s greasy legs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 5, 2009 07:31:00 June 5, 2009 07:31:00

Gwyneth Paltrow on The Tonight Show Thursday – did you watch? Spent the first 2 minutes wanting to blot her legs. I’m all for moisturiser but that sh-t was overkill. As usual, she was wearing a short dress and very high heels. And come on haters, admit it just once, last night she looked amazing. Full Story

Porny’s skinny jeans

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 5, 2009 07:13:27 June 5, 2009 07:13:27

It’s like that episode of Sex & the City – Miranda rediscovers her skinny jeans. Most women are familiar: we have fat jeans and we have skinny jeans. Fat jeans for when we suck. Skinny jeans for when we don’t suck as much. Jessica Simpson, since that amazing performance at the country chilli cookoff a few months ago, has been keeping a relatively low profile, especially the last few weeks. Full Story

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June 5, 2009 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 5, 2009 07:00:56 June 5, 2009 07:00:56

Congratulations Erin and Michael in Zurich on the birth of your second daughter Rosalie Ophelia! And Sydney – you are too sweet about the pashmina! Also… can’t yoga. Bum elbow. F-ck Mischa Barton.  Full Story