Do you want to touch it?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 11, 2009 11:34:31 June 11, 2009 11:34:31

Finally a good look at Kristen Stewart’s Joan Jett hair. Looks amazing. Really, really suits her. Twi-hards of course are now stabbing themselves, worried that Edward won’t love Bella anymore because she no longer has “pretty girl” hair. Please. These are the same people who think boys wear blue, girls wear pink, and gay ain’t right. Full Story

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GOOPy calls him William

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 11, 2009 11:02:00 June 11, 2009 11:02:00

It’s Thursday. It’s GOOP day! Unfortunately this week’s GOOP is all about recipes. Cookie recipes. Boring. Also unfortunate, for her that is, careless staff. At the bottom of the newsletter that was sent out, you’ll note they’re still waiting for next week’s copy. And this is not the first time. Full Story

Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 11, 2009 10:49:00 June 11, 2009 10:49:00

Does Tom Cruise’s next mission involve Z Quinto and a pornstache? (Dlisted)

New generic blonde replaces old homophobic generic blonde (Hollywood Tuna)

Oh laaaaaa…More of Becks and that long, thick rope! (Just Jared)

Wonder if Lauren Conrad writes better than Stephenie Meyer (Pop Sugar)

Do you think Ciara looks hermy? (Drunken Stepfather site NSFW)

Cameron Diaz on babies. Word. (INO)

Jacek’s #3 on the mound (Popoholic)

Why is Megan Fox being considered for EVERY role??? (The Superficial)

Why is Robert Pattinson being considered for EVERY role??? (E! Online)

Dakota Fanning is 15. And she’s clubbing. Yay for child stardom! (The Blemish)

Pissing away $130 million

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 11, 2009 10:09:00 June 11, 2009 10:09:00

If I’m on the board of Real Madrid, I am sh-tting f-cking panic this morning. Because the team just purchased Cristiano Ronaldo for $130 million from Manchester United and how does he celebrate? He celebrates with an Ebola infection. Which means he’s effectively pissed away his money. Don’t be surprised if he gets injured. Full Story

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Country Bitch hometown for his birthday

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 11, 2009 08:21:48 June 11, 2009 08:21:48

This is Carrie Underwood yesterday at the City of Hope Celebrity Softball Challenge. Country Bitch likes to give back when there’s a big audience. Have received a few emails lately asking to verify that Country Bitch has let go of Mike Fisher, hoping that Country Bitch has let go of Mike Fisher. Full Story

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Little balls playing with big boys

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 11, 2009 08:09:00 June 11, 2009 08:09:00

Wonder if MJ took any money off the Pip yesterday. Both are apparently very good golfers. And Michael Jordan loves to bet. He and Justin Timberlake played Bethpage Black yesterday (a public course!), site of this year’s US Open which will, as always, culminate on Father’s Day. Tiger Woods won the tournament there in 2002. Full Story

Sponsored Tingles: Venus Looks – Kate Walsh

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 11, 2009 08:00:30 June 11, 2009 08:00:30

Kate Walsh in Monte Carlo yesterday promoting Private Practice. Makes me sad to say it. Because I love Kate Walsh. I love her voice. In those car commercials, have you seen them? Girl has a sexy voice. But she’s stuck on a nowhere show. A great character on a nowhere show. Still…it’s a sales pitch. Full Story

Jude’s popular Hamlet

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 11, 2009 07:17:48 June 11, 2009 07:17:48

Hamlet made him hot-ish again? He’s playing Hamlet at Wyndham’s Theatre and they say his star power is selling out every show. But he’s also backing it up. Receiving solid reviews, even though David Tennant had already taken on the role, and brilliantly, just this January. Still one reviewer Full Story

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Why aren’t you in your underwear?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 11, 2009 07:06:05 June 11, 2009 07:06:05

As you know, he and his wife are the spokesbodies for the Armani underwear line. David Beckham played for England and enjoyed a 6-0 win yesterday over Andorra and today showed up at Selfridges for an in-store appearance to promote the brand and unveil a new ad. F-ck he is hot. With and without clothes. Full Story

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Bro Massage

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 11, 2009 06:53:16 June 11, 2009 06:53:16

They’ve been friends a long time. Recently worked together. Both family men now supposedly settled down. But not quite. Several times a week, very late at night, they’d call up for room service together. Oh no, not for food, but for a certain kind of massage. Like…together. Full Story

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Dear Gossips,

The tabloid fixation on a Brange breakup – kinda like gossip cognitive dissonance, non? Every week they report that they’ve split. Every week they do not split. So every following week they keep trying harder to convince themselves, and us, that they will split very soon. Or that they have split but are hiding it from the public. Or that they split last week, reunited, but will split again. Or something.

The fact is a happy Brange doesn’t sell at the newsstand. Which is why they’ve been breaking up every f-cking week for the last five years. And she has to keep getting pregnant to convince them/us that they’re fine.

Even People Magazine is trading on Brange this week to fight Jon & Kate on Us Weekly. Apparently Janice Min has hit a winning formula because she keeps slapping those two losers on her cover SEVEN WEEKS IN A ROW.

WTF???

It’s Wednesday. And Jessica Alba is a f-cking idiot.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

PS. See below – more details about S.M.U.T.!

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