Thursday, May 28, 2009

Dear Gossips,

How much you think it would cost to hire Robert Pattinson’s makeup artist to airbrush a set of abs for me? And contour my ass too. Also the upper arms. Would have come in handy for Cannes.

So have you all recovered yet? My friend Laura, I think, is still unconscious. She only woke up yesterday to scream at me when I suggested that Pattinson looks like he has “mothering” hips. He totally does.

But if it’s not the Twi-hard hate it’s the Brangelunatic hate. The Chosen One’s birthday yesterday and I paid homage too late. Scroll down to see. Anyway, in retaliation, they bombed my inbox for “disrespectfully mocking” the First Family. From Janice:

“More families should be like this one, more people should aspire to be like them, their grace and beauty touched us all. But I don’t expect someone like you to be able to appreciate what the Jolie-Pitts have brought to this world. God Bless this family! God Bless Shiloh! And God Bless you too, Lainey. May you one day feel the kindness”.

Oh I feel it alright.

It’s Thursday and the Freeze darkened her hair! Also a peek at Lilo’s hilarious delusional tweets. And Does LipGloss have any guy friends?

Yours in gossip,


PS. More of this and less of that Filthy Scab Pamela Anderson. Please.

Tom says no

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 28, 2009 18:01:58 May 28, 2009 18:01:58

It was reported last week that Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady are expecting. They visited a medical clinic together. No immediate denial ensued, everyone assumed they had made a perfect zygote. Full Story

Even through security…

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 28, 2009 17:52:30 May 28, 2009 17:52:30

She has a porn star face. This is why Megan Fox will always be a skin rag girl. Low rent. Megan was photographed today at LAX heading out for a couple of quick days of promotion before returning by Sunday for the Movie Awards. She and Michael Bay will introduce an exclusive clip from the upcoming Transformers and Shia LaBeouf is scheduled to present as well. Full Story

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Springtime Cameron

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 28, 2009 12:57:56 May 28, 2009 12:57:56

Total gorgessity. After a few days in Hawaii, Cammie D was spotted in New York today, casual and stylish and long, wearing maybe the best hair of her career. Lately her hair looks amazing. SHE looks amazing. And there’s a lot more of her to see very soon. My Sister’s Keeper opens in less than a month on June 26th. Full Story

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Kylie 41

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 28, 2009 12:26:52 May 28, 2009 12:26:52

In great shape, cancer-free (touch wood!), in love, and perhaps engaged? No wonder the smile! It’s Kylie Minogue’s birthday today. And she’s celebrating it in Rome with her gorgeous boyfriend Andres. Rumour has it, he proposed in New York recently but only according to Grazia Magazine. Full Story

Scarjo Mango

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 28, 2009 11:33:18 May 28, 2009 11:33:18

She’s the new face of Mango. Her friend Penelope Cruz was the old face of Mango. Or maybe she still is a Mango face but they made room for more. In any event, Scarjo has added yet another endorsement to her growing list. She’s also currently repping Moet & Chandon (hmmmm... I just got the champagne shakes), D&G cosmetics, and was the face of Louis Vuitton last year. Full Story

Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 28, 2009 11:14:11 May 28, 2009 11:14:11

She and Lindsay Lohan should have a crack tweet-off (Dlisted)

Rossum mom jeans! (Hollywood Tuna)

Sapphic was so last year (The Superficial)

My mother does this for half an hour a day, 3000 revolutions (Just Jared)

Cameron Diaz is not Kate Hudson (Pop Sugar)

Fergie: great ass, better bag (Drunken Stepfather site NSFW)

Shamef-ck’s burger gives orgasms (INO)

Busted Becks still so hot (Kickette)

Buffy baby bump! (The Blemish)

Evangeline is no Angelina but I do want her dress (Popoholic)

Crack tweets

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 28, 2009 09:27:19 May 28, 2009 09:27:19

Since someone gave her a new acting job – a job that should have actually belonged to Katie Holmes – Lilo has been rather low key. Translation: she’s been ordered to lock down her sh-t, stop f-cking around so much for the paps to ensure that they don’t take the role away from her. Full Story

Who are his friends?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 28, 2009 07:58:53 May 28, 2009 07:58:53

His “dude” friends. Have you ever seen LipGloss hanging out with guys? I can’t recall. And that’s a red flag. It also says a lot about child stardom. They isolate them. They grow up surrounded by adults. They grow up without a normal peer environment from which lasting relationships are built. Full Story

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Robo’s two big bags

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 28, 2009 07:27:46 May 28, 2009 07:27:46

Her bag bag, the white one, and this dumbass dress she’s wearing. SO unflattering. Can you imagine? Having all that money? And blowing it on stupid f-cking clothes? Katie Holmes was photographed shopping yesterday in LA, fresh off her Gumby-like appearance Full Story

Sponsored Tingles: Venus Looks – Fergie

Lainey Posted by Lainey at May 28, 2009 07:20:47 May 28, 2009 07:20:47

Fergie is currently promoting the Black Eyed Peas new album The E.N.D. through Europe. Their first hit single Boom Boom Pow is currently #1 on the Billboard 100. You like it? Not really growing on me. Anyway, the first set is Ferg in Paris on Wednesday, having worked off that imaginary weight she put on for Nine in the Hollywood Hills, where she was spotted hiking for 2 hours several times a week for weeks, showing off her legs, which she’ll be doing more and more of as the release date approaches (June 9th) and as we get deeper and deeper into the summer. Full Story