Happy 43

February 20, 2009 13:29:06 Posted at February 20, 2009 13:29:06
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Today is Cindy Crawford’s birthday. Might explain why she was carrying a bottle of tequila to a friend’s place yesterday – there is much to celebrate. Superficially, I mean. Because when I’m 43 and I look like this, and I can afford to have a skilled medical professional helping me, I’d be slamming back the tequila too. Full Story

Mischa = Tori

February 20, 2009 12:48:57 Posted at February 20, 2009 12:48:57
Lainey Posted by Lainey

It’s almost the same dress, non? Tori’s in green, Mischa’s in purple, although sure, Mischa Barton is better looking. But again, most people are, with the exception of Donatella Versace. This post however is not about the assness of KFed Jr’s wife. This post is about the assness of the girl who broke my arm. Full Story

Vintage Pattinson

February 20, 2009 12:19:31 Posted at February 20, 2009 12:19:31
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Many of you lusty Robert Pattinson fans pounded my email yesterday needing more details, annoyed and insisting I should have been stalking him and not Grey Goose. This is crazy talk. But… I will try to make up for it. First – some of your pressing questions.Was the young aunt-ish looking woman a girlfriend? Any romantic vibes? Not the normal kind. Full Story

Smutty Tingles

February 20, 2009 11:49:00 Posted at February 20, 2009 11:49:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Sorry about this morning! Had a complicated production meeting but am back now, blogging furiously. New articles coming!

Cheese & Chow Kitty (Dlisted)

So much effort in leather (Hollywood Tuna)

Gorgeous green Jakey! (Pop Sugar)

What the hell is on her dress??? (INO)

Two coke noses? (Drunken Stepfather site NSFW)

George Clooney was in danger??!!! (Cele|bitchy)

Who’s accepting lingerie from Joaquin Phoenix? Ew! (Just Jared)

Fast girls prefer the Jolie (IDLYITW)

Madge’s Oscar accessory (Webster’s is my bitch)

I love him for dating her (ASL)

Sateen jumpsuit and bad eyeliner

February 20, 2009 08:49:00 Posted at February 20, 2009 08:49:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Maggie Grace last night at the Global Green pre-Oscar party – what a f-cking mess. Sateen + Jumpsuit = HORROR Then the winged liquid liner, at least that’s what it looks like. Should be illegal. This is something I am particularly sensitive about. Because as an Asian, so many old school makeup artists think this is what has to happen with our “exotic” eyes. Full Story

Ugly is forgettable?

February 20, 2009 07:39:07 Posted at February 20, 2009 07:39:07
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Since when? How do you forget this face…for all the wrong reasons? Not sure why Tori Spelling is at fashion week but she is because I guess they’ll let any riffraff in the door these days. So she pulls up at the Christian Siriano show last night but the security didn’t recognise her. Full Story

All our girls

February 20, 2009 07:25:17 Posted at February 20, 2009 07:25:17
Lainey Posted by Lainey

All three, at the same event, looking gorgeous! Here they are Kate Winslet, my Marion Cotillard, and Freida Pinto last night at the US Ireland Alliance Pre-Oscar Gala Awards Ceremony. Cute story about Marion from a couple of months ago the first time met Kate. She was, like, overcome. Because she’s such a big fan. Full Story

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Shelfy Straight to DVD

February 20, 2009 06:47:03 Posted at February 20, 2009 06:47:03
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Why is Jessica Biel so desperate to have Justin Timberlake at her side on Oscar Sunday? Well, let’s see. She’s supposed to be a movie actor now but Easy Virtue still hasn’t hit theatres and the other movie she had in the can, Powder Blue – it’s apparently going straight to DVD Full Story

Of course she’s here

February 20, 2009 06:41:28 Posted at February 20, 2009 06:41:28
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Sienna Miller arrived in LA yesterday afternoon and, what did you expect?, headed straight for a party, seen here at the Grey Goose event last night with Dev Patel. Are you worried? Our sweet young Dev corrupted by Sienna? He’s not married. She’s not interested. You shouldn’t worry. Full Story

February 20, 2009 – Smutty Shout-Outs

February 20, 2009 06:28:00 Posted at February 20, 2009 06:28:00
Lainey Posted by Lainey

Happy Birthday to my baby sis Mel living across the pond -- though distance may separate us, we remain united in smut! Love Tracey To Nelia – Happy 40th Birthday from your bitches! Have fun at the Cougar Crawl on Saturday night! Happy 34th Birthday Krista! Wishing you plenty of topless Riggins dreams this year! From your favourite smut-hounds. Full Story

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Dear Gossips,

I am a suspicious bitch. And if yesterday was any indication, the next few days will be rough. First I was too busy cranking out on my blackberry in the cab on the way from the airport to notice that he was taking the long route. By the time we ended up at the hotel, I paid $75 for a ride that normally costs $50. F-cker.

Then while unpacking I realised I’d forgotten all my makeup. ALL OF IT. Everything. Including CONCEALER! Because I have that giant pimple, right? Oh and by the way, upon closer obsessive inspection (thank you for all your zit zapping suggestions!), I’ve realised that said monster pimple is actually two monster pimples clustered together… like Ebola and her sister Nicky Hilton. Sibling diseases infesting my face. Great.

Finally, in addition to not packing makeup, I also discovered after changing into gym clothes for a quick pound on the treadmill, that – UGH!!!! – I’d also left behind my trainers! Now I’m making do with $50 Asics from the Discount Show Warehouse that will probably f-ck up my knees.

How to deal?

The Chelsea Handler way: Vodka.

It was wall to wall celebrities last night at the signature pre-Oscar week Grey Goose party. Last year Madonna showed up while Drew Barrymore was celebrating her birthday with Cameron Diaz and Javier Bardem. This year, Grey Goose kicked off three days of star decadence at the newly opened Cecconi’s with a very strong star turnout that included… Robert Pattinson. More on that later. The Brit Awards first. Yes ladies and cougars, I’m making you wait. He did look clean though. Does that help?

Thursday – am blogging all day between shoots. Check late posts from yesterday!

Yours in gossip,


PS. Many of you expressed sadness about Mickey Rourke’s Ebola Paris Hilton infection resulting in the loss of Loki and the possible loss of Oscar on Sunday. Perhaps however there’s another way to interpret Loki’s death. What if Loki’s passing was the ultimate sacrifice? Marcus my sh-t eating beagle is too selfish, but Loki seemed loving and considerate and maybe, by laying down her own life, and it was a long, loved life, in absorbing the brunt of Ebola’s deadliness, maybe Loki gave Mickey her final gift. This is why a dog is man’s best friend.

PPS. Three sleeps until Oscar. Herbal Essences is sponsoring our coverage Monday to round out their hair trends feature. Be sure to check it out here. And have you filled out your Annual Contest ballot?

PPPS. Susan Sarandon is not cuckolding Tim Robbins.