Thursday, June 18, 2009

Dear Gossips,

Sorry about the late start today. The worst start to the day ever.

If it’s one thing I hate it’s touching garbage. Garbage is Jacek’s job. I can’t do it. If I throw out a q-tip and it misses the bin, I can’t even pick it up and put it away properly. I can’t. It disgusts me. And then the f-cking toilet had to overflow. Also, my clothes don’t fit. Like my jeans are so tight I have a cramp from my ass to my foot on the right side. Have a bad feeling something terrible will happen. Some Twi-hard will key my car or something. I know it. They are a violent lot.

Having said that, good gossip requires a raging bitch. I am a raging bitch today.

It’s Thursday. Word is Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, and Marion Cotillard will all be in Chicago tonight for a Public Enemies screening. All three of them. Together. Don’t you wish you were in Chicago?

My mother is coming to bring me lunch at noon. Every day she has come to bring me lunch and papayas. Guess who’ll notice my jeans are tight? Balls.

Am online all day.

Yours,

Lainey

PS. Bro Massage is not Pete Wentz and Joel Madden. Also not Tobey and Leo.

Bruno’s bull parts

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 18, 2009 14:37:56 June 18, 2009 14:37:56

Look closely. His costume comes with, um, bull balls. LOVE HIM SO MUCH. This is Sacha Baron Cohen, as Bruno of course, in Spain today promoting the film. Instead of giving us some ass shots, he chose to channel the Bull. And strut around like the place was his personal runway. I’ve been looking for his shade of lipgloss forever. Full Story

View All 12 Photos

Running for his life

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 18, 2009 12:39:36 June 18, 2009 12:39:36

This proves it. Twi-hards are officially the craziest of the lot. Radar is reporting that Robert Pattinson was in New York shooting today. A swarm of Twi-hards tried to attack him as he was leaving the Strand after filming a scene. Full Story

Bad movie titles happen

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 18, 2009 11:52:42 June 18, 2009 11:52:42

Jennifer Aniston's upcoming movie with Aaron Eckhart is called Love Happens. Terrible title. At one point it was Travelling. Much better. Not sure why the change. Because the MiniVan Majority responds to this sh-t? Lame. And, judging from the trailer, the film pretty much reflects the title. Once again, she plays the same character. Full Story

Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 18, 2009 11:39:55 June 18, 2009 11:39:55

How much you want to bed she’s a Twi-hard too? (Dlisted)

Elle Macpherson: immune to age and gravity (Hollywood Tuna)

So Ebola was behind this all along (The Superficial)

Dear Henry Cavill: you can be my Edward any time (Just Jared)

Ryan Reynolds really is just a pretty face. And abs (Pop Sugar)

How Dave Eggers bounces back from Away We Go (Gawker)

At first I thought this was Lindsay Lohan (Drunken Stepfather site NSFW)

Meddling or justified? (INO)

Audrina Patridge was made to rub and tug (The Blemish)

Maybe I should offer Neil Patrick Harris my womb (ONTD)

Why is she dancer?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 18, 2009 09:54:00 June 18, 2009 09:54:00

Like I wrote last time, every time I see her now, the song plays in my head. And I’m on my knees, looking for the answer…Are we human? Or are we dancer? They say she’s definitely dancer. Seen here leaving at the dance studio yesterday with Little Sci. I’m sure you’ve heard? Katie Holmes has been training hard, prepping for a performance on So You Think You Can Dance. Full Story

Hot Harry on a Horse and his roommate

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 18, 2009 08:56:10 June 18, 2009 08:56:10

Hot Harry and his brother are training and bunking together on an army base and met the media today to talk about their experiences. It was a light, relaxed presser as the brothers exchanged lighthearted quips – who’s messy, who snores, who cooks. Joked Hot Harry: "This is the first time and the last time we will be living together”. Full Story

A GOOPy nursery?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 18, 2009 07:45:25 June 18, 2009 07:45:25

As you know, Madge was able to find the perfect financial combination to make Mercy her new daughter and will be bringing her little girl home to New York very soon. From Africa to the rich life, according to the Sun Full Story

More Reese bitchface

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 18, 2009 07:15:06 June 18, 2009 07:15:06

It’s like my face today, only Reese probably didn’t have the grossest morning ever. No, Reese is on set of her new movie in Washington. She will be paid millions for a few weeks work. She’s shooting outside and doesn’t appreciate being papped on location. She doesn’t want us looking at the photos, posting the photos, especially since she doesn’t really have anything to sell right now or an Oscar to campaign for. Full Story

Ewan makes it better

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 18, 2009 07:09:11 June 18, 2009 07:09:11

If ever there was a day for some Ewan, this would be it. Ewan can help take away the memories – knee deep in stanky water with a plunger and not enough towels. Scourgify! This is Ewan working some really great hair at LAX with his wife en route for Hong Kong wearing the sh-t out of those jeans. Full Story

June 18, 2009 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at June 18, 2009 07:02:17 June 18, 2009 07:02:17

To Cheryl K – Congratulations on graduating from the Biotechnology Degree Program! The risk was worth it, right? Your friends and so proud of you! Happy Birthday Joelle! Have you heard you need a little pick me up? Me too! Am sending you a birthday hug and some good smutty vibes to last through the weekend and more. Full Story