A very Spittle birthday present

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 8, 2010 08:10:40 February 8, 2010 08:10:40

Fabulous at 41! celebrated her birthday in Mexico with friends Sheryl Crow, Courteney Cox, and a flabby Spittle tagged along too. Gross. It’s not that men can’t gain weight. But a man who is constantly being shoved in my face as some kind of super stud should not be looking like this. Wasn’t he sticking his tongue down some random’s throat just last week? And he was still invited to join the party? Fabulous at 41!’s self esteem must be at an all time low. Full Story

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Country Bitch Hair Fumble

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 8, 2010 07:23:04 February 8, 2010 07:23:04

What has to happen for this hair to be a reality? What is the process? How does one ASK for this hair? Who would ask for this hair? Well, obviously, the Country Bitch. Many of you were offended by her costume. To me the costume served its purpose. It’s the Super Bowl. You bring it as hard and as tacky as possible. Full Story

Brange Bowl Pitt Porn

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 8, 2010 07:04:53 February 8, 2010 07:04:53

WHO DAT? Brad Pitt is for New Orleans. He and Maddox cheered New Orleans into the Super Bowl, this weekend he and Maddox cheered New Orleans to the Lombardi trophy. And Mom came along too. But ... for added dramatic effect... Angelina arrived a day later, on Sunday, and the three watched the game from a private box, in full view, and gave us a taste of Pitt Porn just in time for the New Year. Full Story

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February 8, 2010 – Smutty Shout-Outs

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 8, 2010 06:56:22 February 8, 2010 06:56:22

Celebrity Baggage...for a good cause! The Mood Disorders Association is auctioning off autographed bags, purses, and cases from Canadian celebrities including Anne Murray, Paul Coffey, Rick Mercer, Jully Black etc in support of programmes that improve the quality of life for individuals and families who face the challenges of living with a mood disorder. Full Story

Friday, February 5, 2010

Dear Gossips,

We are in Whistler with our families and many of our friends. It’s Day 99 of the 2010 Torch Relay and I will be running the Olympic Torch tonight at 6:40pm in Whistler Village, the Host Mountain Resort of the 2010 Winter Olympics. Someone said to me the other day – there’s only ONE flame. I will be carrying That Flame. And it’s the flame that will eventually light the Olympic Cauldron in one week, February 12th, to commemorate the beginning of the Games. Canada’s Games.

Still don’t really believe it. They told me last Fall and I haven’t wanted to share it because I’m so superstitious, I thought I might jinx it. Then the package arrived from Coca-Cola in December with the Torch Relay uniform – pants and jacket and toque and the red mittens – and a comprehensive guide and little flags for my cheering section, a plastic sign for them to hold up, a night light in the shape of a Coke bottle, a marker, and a confirmation letter about my location...this is when it became real. As for the torch, it isn’t presented to you until just before you run. Afterward you can take it home.

Today I’ll be meeting with other runners, we’ll attend a briefing, then we’ll climb onto a bus, and rally each other as we get dropped off one by one at our stop points. The torch route is marked according to each runner’s segment. Every runner is assigned a number. So our loved ones will look for those numbers and wait for us to pass by.

My father will be waiting for me at the start point. He moved here from Hong Kong, the 6th of 10 children from meagre beginnings, raised on a farm even though they were not a farming family, so poor they had to share turnips for dinner some nights with no light. Dad is a quiet, introverted person. He doesn’t say much. He wasn’t much when he arrived here: barely educated, no money, and not much motivation for more until I came along, at which point he worked 2 jobs, put himself through night school, and somehow finished high school equivalency before continuing on and completing an accounting degree.

My mother will be waiting for me at the end point. She recently learned how to use her camera by nagging a service person at an electronics store for 2 hours. She’ll be asking everyone around her to take pictures OF her. Because this is her moment. Mother has been broken by betrayal, a bad kidney, saved by a transplant, and is currently battling some kind of thyroid issue. I try not to worry. Because Mother is the Chinese Squawking Chicken. She will smack a bitch before the bitch even knows. But she became that by circumstance and she fought hard for 30 years to make sure that circumstance never defined me.

Their story is no more, no less than most Canadian immigrant stories. And those stories are no more and no less than the ones belonging to the 12,000 other torchbearers on the relay. We’re all doing it for more than just ourselves. I’m doing it for two people who had nothing, who busted their asses to make sure that I did not end up with nothing, who will watch me running with the torch tonight and proudly declare, as they have declared every day of my life, that I am the best thing they ever did.

And they did it here, in CANADA.

Please forgive my corny. It’s been an emotional few days. My mother hasn’t yelled at me once, and she keeps giving out hugs. She has us a little freaked out. I feel very sorry for the innocent bystanders who have to be near her later tonight.

As you imagine, it’s an extraordinary day for our family. So I will not be blogging after Tingles. A thousand apologies for the inconvenience and so much appreciation for your understanding. Will be back strong and smutty on Monday.

If you’d like follow the torch run on Twitter click here and here. If you would like to live stream the torch run click here. My official time is 6:40pm but Susan P has just written to tell me that the final runners of the day are generally early. That’s me!

Thanks to Coca-Cola, official sponsor of the 2010 Torch Relay for the opportunity, and to all of you who have sent your messages of support and encouragement and your own torch photos from your own communities. I love to gossip. And I love that you enjoy reading it. But more than that, I mean it when I say that to me it’s like our own private discussion. So honoured that you keep coming back every day. Hope I can continue to earn your visits.

Yours in gossip and in Olympic spirit,


Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 5, 2010 08:15:14 February 5, 2010 08:15:14

While I’m running today, please support my Smutty Friends:

Compulsive liar continues to wreak havoc (The Superficial)

How is it that this bitch can shop at Fred Segal? (Dlisted)

Should Geri still be dressing like this? (Hollywood Tuna)

The only thing I’m taking from this Paul Walker interview is that he’s cheap (Just Jared)

Another dude who likes talking to air and f-cking it (Pop Sugar)

If Howard Stern judged Idol, I would totally watch it (E! Online)

I wonder about Jakey G’s sleep smell. Pervy? (ASL)

I think I saw Ebola wearing this dress. So she shared wardrobe with The Hills. Fitting (Drunken Stepfather site NSFW)

Amanda Seyfried: can’t decide if I love it or hate it (INO)

How Mel Gibson is like Tom Cruise and Tom Selleck and Mike Tyson and Tarantino (Popeater)

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Dear Gossips,

My mother practically skipped off the plane yesterday. And showed herself off. And demanded to have her photo taken posing hard in a pink coat. Then she changed into black leather pants and a red blazer for dinner with my inlaws.  Read Full Intro

Which portrait is the fairest?

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 4, 2010 15:20:15 February 4, 2010 15:20:15

The Vanity Fair Hollywood Issue features skinny white girls on the front and actor/director portraits inside, all of them by Annie Leibovitz and much more interesting than the banality on the cover. Not to say that individually, those girls are delightful, but again, the lack of diversity was troubling, a reflection of that industry and also our own tastes. Full Story

No Porny Riggins

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 4, 2010 13:55:24 February 4, 2010 13:55:24

Easy. Don’t panic. There’s no need to panic. Your emails, your anxiety, I totally get it. But unfortunately there is no reason to be alarmed. I say unfortunately because, unlike most of you, I totally want Jessica and Taylor Kitsch to be f-cking. Alas, they are not. The report originated in Star Magazine or some sh-t. Full Story

Smutty Tingles

Lainey Posted by Lainey at February 4, 2010 11:09:00 February 4, 2010 11:09:00

This is what happens when you fall off the A List (Dlisted)

Finally. A brilliant, BRILLIANT career move (The Superficial)


Ugh. Do we have to add tongue to her list of tits and ass? (Hollywood Tuna)

Reese Witherspoon, player (Just Jared)

Anna Paquin’s dressing problems continue off the carpet (Pop Sugar)

Jessica Biel – cheesy glamour shots! (Popoholic)

Cammie bendy in a bikini (Drunken Stepfather site NSFW)

The Alba Bitch and her little bully (INO)

Why Swifty couldn’t sing(Cele|bitchy)